Dust in the Wind of God

their choice. and ours

2012-01-24T11:42:00.005-05:00

I eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil everyday.

Some things never change. It appears so attractive and good, yet it leaves a bitter taste long after it's swallowed.

Instead of choosing between life and death, I decide to choose between right and wrong. I constantly "discern" and judge and evaluate in my mind each person and each scenario around me.

The devil is the accuser. But has the accuser gotten into my head? Into all of our heads?

As I constantly judge between right and wrong, good and bad (instead of life and death), I can feel the accuser inside my head. I judge.

Often I judge others. Even more often, I judge myself. There is this constant evaluation game, constant judgements, that weigh how much I, and everyone else around me, are worth. That's the devil's game. He started the game of "knowledge of good and evil" way back when, and he still plays that same game today. Ours is a world of ceaseless evaluation and judgement, of ranking and competition.

We even rope God into this game. He is "constantly sizing us up," constantly evaluating. He's a scorekeeper. Even within the Church, God as judge rivals God as Love.

Now, I understand that one day He will judge. And, He will judge rightly. But honestly, have we made Him out as a judge that often feels more like Accuser?

The devil has always wanted to be God. He's always wanted to be worshiped as God. Have we actually confused the accuser with God? Have we given the devil his wish and made him and his accusations as "god" in our heads? Have we put the devil and his judgement game in the place of God?

We were warned about the dangers of that tree. But we still choose the knowledge of good and evil. We still choose to judge. We still choose to compete for our worth instead of knowing that it is freely given to us by our loving Father.

The choice is still there. The choice between the Tree of Life or the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Life or judgement?

And I eat...

a sinister idol unveiled

2012-01-22T14:48:00.007-05:00

Why, oh why, was I born in 21st century America? I would have preferred living with the persecuted Church before the time of Constantine: the times of ambiguity.

Persecution, executions, brotherhood, fear, freedom, hope. Or, corruption, power struggles, conquering enemies with a sword rather than with love, riches, treachery, division. Things appear as if they were simpler at first. Harder, but more straightforward.

(Probably an illusion, but one could hope!)

Nowadays, the entire Church is split into camps: liberal, conservative; inerrancy, infallibility; historical criticism, literal understanding; social activism, the convicting power of the spoken word; truth, love. It's so hard to distinguish (and stay on) the "narrow way" from the myriad of ways that are emphasized. So much that claims to be good is really ugly, distorted, and bad. So much that is "bad" contains secret beauty.

And unfortunately, we always demonize the other group as being destructive to the Church and the world. Sadly, I find myself doing the same thing.

Our minds, then, become a "perpetual factory of idols." This truth or that is exalted at the expense of Love.

In the end, does truth (finding all the right things to believe) really matter? On the one hand, yes. How we think will change who we are and how we believe the story ends. But, on the other, no. If nothing else, our postmodern world really understands that "words are cheap." I can believe all the right truths, and it doesn't really matter. Has "truth" become an idol?

Why do I find it so hard to love people? Why am I so easily offended?

Who can save me from this body of death?

Morning Liturgy

2011-12-29T11:15:00.005-05:00

Father, You are worthy of everything,
- All honor, praise, and glory.
Thank you for loving and pursuing us
- Even when we fight against you.
Your love is trustworthy,
- We rest in you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Selah

Jesus, you have made all things new;
- Glimpses of your Kingdom are breaking through.
Give us your vision
- To pierce through today’s darkness and cynicism.
Give us eyes full of wonder
- To appreciate each and every small joy.
Give us strength
- To resist the poison of the enemy.
- - - Rejecting his lies, - we proclaim truth.
- - - Rather than cling to bitterness, - we release debts.
- - - Instead of instant gratification, - we welcome joy.
- - - In a world of impatience, - we incarnate your love.
- - - Despite chaos, - we carry peace.
- - - In the midst of apathy, - we live with passion.
That we might celebrate Your Kingdom,
- And embody Your Way.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Selah

Holy Spirit, come and fill us with Your passion and power.
- Infuse us with your love and joy and peace.
Give us grace to follow Jesus today;
- Transform us more into His likeness.
He is beloved;
- Teach us that we are beloved.
He gives;
- Teach us to give.
He serves;
- Teach us to serve.
He loves;
- Teach us to love.
May we display your beauty with our lives
- And boast about your majesty with our words.
Show us what you would have us say or do
- Or have us step aside.
Work through us
- Or in spite of us.
Today help us to serve everyone around us,
- Beginning with one another.

All because of your Love that eclipses this world.
You make us complete.
You are all we need.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Amen

Good news for ... some?

2011-12-24T13:44:00.003-05:00

Christmas. The baby born in Bethlehem.

Cattle, sheep, pigs, and chickens to welcome him. A king hunts after him to kill him. His own people are offended at him. Prostitutes, tax collectors, and other sinners and marginalized make up his most devoted followers. The leaders of his own nation reject him. Roman occupiers crucify him.

“Good news of great joy to all people…” Funny how the angels used the same words that Caesar’s heralds would use when announcing a military victory. But was this good news for all people?

It doesn’t look that way or always feel that way.

“And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” –Luke 14:27
“Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Mark 10:21

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.” –1 Jn 2:15-16

The list could go on awhile. And, these don’t sound like good news for everyone.

My goal has been to follow these. According to many, I’m radical, an extremist of sorts. Many times that may be a way of writing someone off because following these verses literally seems out of our reach. It doesn’t look like good or attractive news.

I feel the same way.

This isn’t some ploy to say, “See, you can do this too!” Really, sometimes I just don’t know if I can do this. I see what I want to do, and I know that it’s good and right and maybe even joyful. But I don’t feel I have the strength to do it.

A lot of the big, life decisions started about a year ago, and I was gung ho to follow Christ as tangibly as I could. I received a job offer a semester before I graduated and it was well more than a starting engineer should make. In favor of a job that could be a means to get into the mission field sooner in closed countries, I turned down the more lucrative offer.

Months later, I was nearing the start date for my other job (still making good money, which would allow me to pay off college debt), but that job would take me away from my relationship with Stephanie, my girlfriend of the time (now fiancé), and it was and is obvious that God has more in store for us together than alone. So, I turned down the second offer in favor of going to the mission field together, sooner, after a stable start to our life together.

So now, (lunacy and obvious negligence on my part according to most) I no longer had an income to pay off my remaining debt to Virginia Tech and start life together with Stephanie.

During the spring, we had hoped to intern with a non-profit group that lives and ministers with and among the poor. Stephanie and I share a similar vision and passion, so we were excited to have a taste of what life could be like with this organization in a few years. However, the organization only had one open location for interns, and for good reason, they did not want to have an engaged couple together during our time learning from our mentors there.

Our goal, then, was (and is) to start seminary together shortly after getting married, where we would be able to grow together on a solid Biblical foundation, develop community, and find a launching pad for our future together. Unfortunately, days ago, I find out that I was wait-listed, which means limited or no financial aid, and possibly, outright rejection in another few months.

Now honestly, two small rejections within the last month or two is not a big deal. However, I feel as if I’m getting a small glimpse, perhaps for the first time, of what it means to choose to follow Christ. Everything that gives me worth and value in my own eyes and the eyes of the world has been falling by the wayside. My ability to make money, my prestige (a voice to advocate for others), and power to make a difference; all these have seemed to start slipping away...

For many of us, our possessions, prestige, and power that we find through our jobs and paycheck are our sources of value and worth. We know “how well we’re doing” based on these things. By choice and not by my choice, it feels like I’ve been losing everything that defines me, allows me to make a difference, and gives me worth. In essence, I’m not worth as much now as I was a year ago. At that time, I could go places, make the big bucks, and my opinion was valued. Now, in the space of a few months, it feels as if what I say or do makes less of a difference.

This, of course, is an overreaction. However, what have I been hoping to do with my life?

I’ve wanted to live and work among the marginalized, vulnerable, and poor. They have no decisions or capability to affect change. Often, they are at risk to lose their property or their few privileges at a moment’s notice due to the whims of the powers-that-be.

My desire has been to gradually give up my privilege and identify with them. (Of course, for me, it will never be the same as them.) However, according to the powers-that-be, choices like this make no sense, and by identifying with the marginalized, we find ourselves marginalized.

This sucks. It hurts. The small taste that I have now of losing my “voice” and “power” makes me want to change the course, to compromise, to figure out ways to use my power, possessions, and prestige for the good (instead of giving them up).

But do I really want to be like Christ, giving up my privilege in favor of loving the least of these?

Jesus being made nothing seems like it wasn’t good news for him. But, then again, it was for the “joy set before him.” (Heb 12:2)

The marginalized find the good quite easily in the gospel. But for us, the privileged, giving up our power, our possessions, and our prestige in favor of love does not seem like good news. Is it?

“Sell everything…Then come, follow me.” –Jesus to the rich, young ruler

Or is the good news only for some?

a roller coaster of a "homecoming"

2011-12-03T15:29:00.016-05:00

Imagine a typical thirteen year old… married.

Well, maybe she’s not so typical! But I finally got to meet the wife of good friend of mine in the jungle, Richard Nuñez. They got married two years ago, and she is now just 15 years old!!!! Crazy! (However, they do grow into responsibility much quicker in the jungle…)

The trip to Peru has been full of all kinds of unexpected twists and turns. John, Denise, Stephanie, and I arrived in Lima in early November and traveled immediately to the Andes Mountains, where we battled bed bugs and altitude sickness to catch the gorgeous views behind ever-changing, yet persistent, clouds. I lived in some small villages just beneath Huascaran almost 4 years ago, so it was incredible to go back, share such a beautiful place with friends, and relive some memories.

After the worst overnight bus ride in the history of terrible overnight bus rides, the four of us traveled back to Lima and flew to Cusco. Just outside the airport we met a random taxi driver named Carlos who took us on a whirlwind tour through the Sacred Valley of the Incas to Ollantaytambo, where we were able to rest for the next day’s excursion to Machu Picchu!

(Incans on their way to work)

Waking up at 5:00 am is pretty easy when you know you are just about to hop on a train and go to Machu Picchu! We got in before the huge rush and were able to lounge on the grass and hike around to most of the sites without being accosted by waves of tour groups.

(Denise looking for Machu Picchu)

Finally, about mid-November, we arrived in Iquitos, Peru! It has been a fun homecoming for me, and it´s been wonderful to introduce Stephanie to a great many friends in Iquitos and in the jungle. Sadly, on our first day in the city, we ate ceviche (raw fish that are ¨cooked¨ in acidic lemon-lime juice), and John got extremely sick and he had to fly home a few days later. Denise also had to go home leaving us at a jungle survival rate of 50%!

The following week, Stephanie and I had the chance to finally get out into the jungle to visit Richard’s family, his new wife, and their amazing new panaderia (bread store). The have a booming operation in their village of San Pedro where they buy ingredients and have them shipped on barges that go by their village. They make about 4000 bread items six days a week and deliver orders of bread to about eight villages up and down the river!! This has been a huge boost for them and their ministry, especially since Richard’s dad pastors the church in San Pedro and Richard visits several different churches that he himself has planted in other villages nearby. The bread operation allows them to make money as they travel to encourage their sister churches in nearby villages.

(Brothers Juner, Richard, Maria (Richard´s wife), Jerry, and Leon)

While in the jungle, I also got to visit Maypuco, the village just upriver of San Pedro where I lived with Ed MacQueen, Dave McInnis, and nine jungle guys (including Richard and his brother Ander). While in Maypuco I was able to see one of the guys we had lived with during that time, visit the house we built, and spend time with several other families and friends we were close to during that time.When we returned from the jungle, Steph and I spent a few days working with Chris, a missionary in Nauta (hour and a half car ride from Iquitos). We hung out with her, helped her fix up her house so it can be a retreat center for pastors from the jungle, and also got to know the families and kids on her street.And now, we’re back in Iquitos – civilization! We’ve got about two weeks left in Peru and will be spending them with Pastor Jorge Montero (basically my Peruvian dad) and his family as we travel on his annual Christmas trip to the villages. While there we’ll give gifts to hundreds (up to 2000 according to Jorge) of kids, paint a church building to weather-proof it during the upcoming rainy season, and visit old friends.

Prayers appreciated!!

Some minor details...

2011-10-31T17:30:00.007-04:00

Well, the last few weeks, post-Zambia, have been very interesting to say the least.

I'm engaged to the lovely Stephanie Bruse. No surprise for those who have known us for any amount of time. =)
After getting to know her while working at ExxonMobil and volunteering with Church Under the Bridge last summer, we began dating, did the long distance thing, went to Zambia and Capetown together, and decided to spend the rest of our lives together. I absolutely love the girl. She is more patient, gentle, compassionate, and Christ-like than anyone I have ever met before, with me, family members, and the most difficult people you could imagine. She is wonderful and beautiful through and through. She helps me know more of who I am and helps me to be at peace with myself in ways that allow me to follow Jesus more closely. I just hope I can help her to do the same!
For those who are interested... I've been wanting to propose for quite a while now, but I finally had the chance to chat with her folks. After that, Stephanie and I have been so hectic planning the next steps of our lives that we've hardly had a moment's break. Two days ago, on Saturday, we had a relaxing day together, which we both were longing for. No work. No distractions. We were able to just relax and enjoy one another. During the day, we visited many different places that had sentimental value from the summer of 2010 when we had gotten to know each other. We visited our favorite haunts downtown, including the highest lookout over the city, a life-size chess set, a theater we visited on several occasions, our favorite sushi restaurant, and the park where I first realized that I was falling in love with this girl (though I avoided it for awhile). In the middle of the park, beside a lake, otters and ducks swimming nearby while birds settled into their nightly perches, twilight settled over the park as we danced to a few of our favorite songs. It was beautiful and meaningful. Stephanie expected that I'd propose in Peru, so it came as a complete surprise when I took a much less epic, but more personal moment to propose. And, she said yes.

So, we're getting married!! Lots of excitement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
And now, we are leaving for Peru tomorrow. I've wanted to go back and visit the pastors, missionaries, and friends that I have known for a long time, and Stephanie, my brother John, and a friend Denise, are also excited to see that part of my life and have an opportunity to build relationships and love people in the Amazon Jungle of Peru.

While there we'll have the chance to visit the Andes Mountains, Machu Picchu, and the Amazonian villages that truly changed the way I live and follow Christ.
Your prayers are appreciated for all the big upcoming changes Stephanie and I have together, and for this trip in particular, for safety, for awesome opportunities to build relationships, and for discernment in how we can each follow Jesus more closely with our gifts and passions!

Thanks a bunch!

Drinking poison and hoping someone else dies

2011-10-01T16:40:00.004-04:00

For a long time I could feel my joy slipping away slowly. Without realizing why, I could sense a lethargy, sloth, and melancholy slipping over my life. I couldn’t figure out why either. Only in the last few months has that begun to change, and now I’ve been experiencing more and more joy.

I’ve learned to forgive.

Now, I didn’t think that I’d been withholding forgiveness from anyone. But, forgiveness has become so much more real, more tangible. Everywhere (read: EVERYWHERE) in my life where I could feel some bitterness or melancholy, I recognized that I had a feeling that I was “owed something.” Call it what we will: holding a grudge, being owed a debt, requiring an apology, etc, this begins to affect our entire lives little by little, without our realizing it. “A little yeast leavens the whole lump of dough.” (Galations 5:9)

Everywhere in my life where I felt I was owed something and would not forgive my truly releasing someone's debt, I would feel melancholy or even resentful.

It was time to release those debts. No matter how wronged I was by others, unforgiveness was now a cancer that was eating at ME slowly from the inside out. I had to let go of that feeling that I was owed something.

For me, I could quickly see three relationships that were eating at me because I felt owed something for how I had been hurt. But now my lack of forgiveness (still holding on to this feeling that they “owed me” some debt) was creeping into every area of my life and making my whole existence less joyful. It was time to let those debts go. I am not owed anything by them anymore.

And then another, and deeper, realization occurred. I do the same thing to the Church. I almost never feel that I am “owed anything” by non-Christians. But Christians! They should behave a certain way! I expect them to follow Christ and his example!

“Now of course they don’t owe ME that debt! But they DO owe Jesus!”

No. He canceled our debt. I must let go of that expectation too. Jesus would never let the cancer of unforgiveness eat at him. Thank God that I can release those debts and be free from that cancer and bitterness that comes from holding debts over others. I can drop all my expectations of the Church.

It is a life-changing realization that forgiving everyone for everything frees us from bitterness, anger, resentment, and melancholy. My brother heard unforgiveness described as "drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person." It doesn't make sense and only hurts us.

Forgiving someone means that they don’t owe you anything anymore. No one is indebted to you. Life is not indebted to you. Let go of that grudge or sense of entitlement.

Root out all melancholy and bitterness from your life!

Forgive everyone for everything!

some final personal reflections...

2011-09-21T16:24:00.001-04:00

My time in Africa has come to an end, and while reflecting on all that has taken place, I’m also beginning to look forward.

Looking back, Africa was both very challenging and incredibly affirming.

When I first got to Africa, I had only a slight inclination that my time there would be as challenging as it was. It wasn’t the food, or the work, or the languages, or so many other things. It was the Christian community. I realized that, coming from Virginia Tech where I was older than my classmates and held several leadership positions, I was in for a rude awakening. In Mongu, I was “just another guy” helping out with the Zambia Project. I thought that could be tough, but I was also excited for the reality check and the humbling experience it might be.

It proved quite a bit tougher than I expected. Not only was I doing mostly grunt work for the longest time (it was actually quite enjoyable, though often humbling), but I just felt isolated from the other medium-term interns who were working with the Zambia Project. My relationships with them made me start to question a lot of things about myself, my value, and my gifts. It hurt.

Now, let me be clear. I absolutely loved spending time with the interns, but there were a few issues that I had that caused tension with a few of the others. In my worst moments, I could be described as inflated, outspoken, opinionated, and proud. While there were some personality conflicts among the interns (picture a ton of A-type personalities working together), I would have been foolish to blame the tension on just personality differences. Though I had tried to listen and avoid confrontations that could occur with some of the other 18 interns, my need to offer my “insights” and step up when things were not happening as I wanted them to caused tension.

At the end of my time in Mongu, I had an incredibly insightful conversation with Paul VanColler, the South African missionary who started the Zambia Project. He said, “Bryan, I don’t think you’re proud or too opinionated, but insecure. Your insecurity about your own gifts and leadership ability causes you to try to prove yourself to others, which can create tension with other strong personalities.”

I felt naked. All my insecurities stood out so clearly to me, and I could feel the truth of Paul’s words: my need to appear smart, my desire to share crazy past experiences, the tension with other strong personalities. What was I trying to prove? Who was I trying to prove something to?

Over the last few weeks, since that conversation, I have felt something start to change in my heart. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone; not to myself, not to God. I am secure.

The time in Mongu was also very affirming. Stephanie and I both feel more convinced than ever that we want to live with and enjoy Jesus among the marginalized and poor. This is leading to a lot of changing plans, so prayers are appreciated.

Please be praying that I could find my security in Jesus, so that I can be more at peace with myself and those around me. Also, prayers for wisdom are essential as Stephanie and I try to discern where God’s will, our passions, and the needs all around us may lead our next steps.

Blessings!

Lank Hectic

2011-09-15T22:39:00.006-04:00

Life has been amazing and fast-paced for the last few weeks. After visiting the village of Shungwe out on the Zambezi floodplain, Steph and I only had a few days left in Mongu to say goodbyes.
Then we left for Livingstone and Victoria Falls!
We got to see some elephants in the nearby Chobe National Park.
Cape Town, South Africa was a "must" because of Paul and Marinette's sending church coming from there, and they wanted to host us and show us their city!
And now, Steph and I are finally back Stateside, visiting Virginia Tech, soon to see my family, and finally to visit Steph's family in Texas!

It's been a lank hectic ("very cool/crazy/awesome" in Cape Town lingo) ride until now, so prayers are appreciated for grace as we transition and rest as we recover from our 30+ hours of flights to come home.

Blessings!

Lloyd Kaputula

2011-08-17T13:33:00.005-04:00

Since arriving back from the remote village of Kangwali where we lived for 3 1/2 weeks, I've had the chance (and great honor!) of helping Lloyd out at his restaurant in the market in Mongu. He cooks and sells local Zambian fare from anywhere between $1 & $2 USD. While we were in the bush, it was the money-making time of year when many Zambians are able to make a surplus of money so that they can barely scrape by the rest of the year.
Lloyd was sacrificing quite a bit to leave his business behind for 3 1/2 weeks. Though his two employees would be left to run things, Lloyd was the only one who really knew his business and his customers. It was quite a step of faith for this city boy who is not altogether used to the African bush and its hardships.
So, when we returned he was only a little anxious about his business, which may have suffered a bit during his absence. However, he arrived to find that his two employees had been stealing from him and no longer cared to show up at work. It was a demoralizing blow.
During these past few weeks, it's the money-making season and he usually makes a daily profit of $15 - $20. I plan on helping him recover some of his lost profit that will sustain him the rest of the year. He is one of the best men I know, and I consider it a privilege to invest my time and resources to support him.
If you would like to support this man who was willing to leave his business behind to dedicate himself to sharing the good news with unreached people groups in his own backyard, then feel free to go to the "Financial Support" page linked up above! Only 20 people donating $15-20 will recover the profits that Lloyd would have made to provide for himself and his family the rest of the year!

How low will He go?

2011-08-16T16:48:00.012-04:00

As I think about God's accommodating (adaptable, fitting in with the needs of the moment) will and the patience that he shows towards people, it is a great comfort to me.

(If you like, read about God's accommodating will first HERE from my 3 1/2 weeks in the remote village of Kangwal)

Life back home in the states has seemed as if it falling apart. So much that is good and beautiful seems to be crumbling. I can feel myself clinging desperately to hope but it's easy to tell that my grasp is weakening. Life presses in on all sides, and I can see the futility of so much that we do, strive after, and love.

It is as if there is this persistent thought saying, "It's all futile. In the end, this world, all its relationships, and all its people are broken beyond repair and not worth the effort. What can you really do? If you can barely salvage a minimal number of your closest relationships immediately around you, that is a great success! Life is just painful, a series of losses, and then you get old and die."

While I really am okay, I don't think I'm alone with these feelings (though it is scary to put the futility we feel to words). I know so many who just feel their energy and joy slowly draining away as they realize that their efforts to fend off apathy can barely keep up with the assault of the world all around us.

The world seems to scream at us:
You are small and insignificant. Everything good and new has already been done. You have nothing more to offer. All you can do is fend for yourself - survival of the fittest. That's what everyone else is doing and they will only turn their backs on you sooner or later when you are no longer beneficial to them.

But, its not just individuals but society as a whole. All the great social experiments or solutions have been tried and failed. Socialism and communism does not aid the poor because of laziness, corruption, and greed. Global capitalism may increase wealth in the hands of a few but only exploitation and injustice await the poor. Technology has seemed to bail people out of so many problems but now technology is the cause of global climate change and many other means of poisoning our earth. Even Christianity and other religions have led to the Crusades, religious persecution, hatred, and divisiveness on a large scale. Every dream, idea, and institution that has led us to believe that there may be a solution to our madness has been unveiled as a lie, as futility.

So, many of us, including myself, often feel estranged from one another and hopeless or apathetic about the world we find ourselves in.

What do we do or think about that? What does God say and do about that?

That is why I find so much comfort in God's accommodating will. In the Old Testament, God shows such patience and restraint with people who are addicted to violence, enslave one another, practice polygamy, and so many other self-destructive things. I can't imagine how much it broke His heart to see His children, His beloved people, His bride, hurting themselves. It would break His heart beyond comprehension.

People hurt one another and themselves. We're so broken. Beautiful, but broken.

How great is the God who humbles himself and accommodates the reality of our messy brokenness, showing restraint and patience toward us, while He gently leads us toward his perfect will. In spite of all our failed attempts at making the world better, following Him as His children, and even loving one another, He patiently loves us. He loves us.

Honestly, we do not know Him. He is much better than we imagine Him. His goodness isn't like anything we have ever known or experienced. His patience and love we cannot grasp or begin to fathom. He is altogether different than we are and altogether better.

And, the best part is that He promises to make everything right. He will redeem everything. All futility and brokenness will be perfected, even if it is done more patiently than we would hope.

Though we constantly rebel, He accommodates our brokenness out of love to patiently lead us from our rebellion and selfishness toward the healing and wholeness we can only find (and will find) in Jesus.

Community Development and God’s Will

2011-08-15T17:01:00.009-04:00

Community development takes so much work, effort, and most of all, time. There are so many needs that it is daunting. There is this idea floating around called, “The Law of Irreducible Complexity,” meaning, more or less, that something cannot evolve if there are unrelated and intricate essential parts in a whole, because they must come about simultaneously for the whole to function. This is certainly true for community development.

There are so many essentials, and without any of them, a community cannot develop (or evolve) into its full potential.

Water
Income
Education
Food
Waste and waste water management
Hygiene
Sanitation
Healthcare
Property rights
Justice and human rights

Try taking ONE of these from a middle-class, American neighborhood.

Panic and mayhem would ensue. People would be killing each other.

Now try introducing a number of these into a rural village like Kangwali where I stayed for 3 ½ weeks. The task is overwhelming.

There is absolutely no way that such a task could be completed quickly. It would take years, decades, or even generations. Incredible patience would be required.

Our perfect idea for how such a community could look seems absurd at the outset. We can’t aim too high without the entire concept becoming unreachable for the community members themselves. We must moderate our goals so that they can be obtainable for the people. Only then can they participate in making that ideal community a reality.

Now imagine God’s desire to take a people surrounded by war, slavery, child sacrifice, false gods, polygamy, greed, violence, disease, and death and to make that people into a “kingdom of priests and a holy nation.” (Ex. 19:6)

God’s will seems like the ultimate community development project.

Some theologians call this “God’s condescending will” versus His “perfect will.” I would prefer to call it His "accommodating will" because I believe the motivation is love. In this view, God accommodates (adapts to / fits in with the needs of the moment) the brokenness of the people that He is communicating with. Others say that this view allows us to pick and choose which parts of the Bible we listen to because some parts "are not his perfect will." But we pick and choose what we listen to anyway.

God’s accommodating will makes all too much sense to me as I lived, served, was served, and taught in Kangwali. There are too many improvements to be made in the community (clean water, nutrition, sanitation, health care) and too many things to learn from God in the Bible (think your basic Sunday School). I couldn’t teach the people or show them an example all at once.

And I don’t think God did that or does that either.

The Bible is the story of God patiently leading a people from slavery, polygamy, and war towards the ultimate perfect picture of what He looks like and asks us to imitate Jesus Christ.

God was incredibly patient as he drew people towards himself.

He's still the same way today.

can i trust a god without wrath?

2011-08-09T16:59:00.015-04:00

After 3 ½ weeks living in the bush, there is a lot to process.

It was a scary step for me to go out alone (with only one friend and translator, Lloyd Kaputula) to the remote village of Kangwali. I felt very intimidated. The step seemed a little too far, too lonely, and too scary. We had no food or provisions except to get there. Just as I left, Stephanie said, “ ‘Do not be worried about what you will eat, and what you will wear…’ a little life application, yeah?”
But in those moments I can lose sight of God’s faithfulness. I forget how good and trustworthy He really is. I would rather not put myself in a place of complete dependence, relinquishing all of my control. Honestly, whatever I may say, I often prefer control, power, and independence instead of trust in God.

“Take nothing for your journey, neither a staff, nor a bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not even have two tunics apiece.” Luke 9:3

While we did have bags with our sleeping gear and a change of clothes, it still felt like such a risk! But God is more than faithful.
Lloyd and I were received in every village we went to. People asked us to stay with them and begged us to return. Everywhere we went people wanted to hear about God, Jesus, and the Bible. We were always offered food (whole fish and nshima for 3 ½ weeks!) and given heated water to bucket-bathe (I bathed more often in the bush than I do in the States!). And, neither Lloyd nor I felt the least amount of sickness our entire 3 ½ weeks in the bush while eating only what was given to us.

While I could just talk about only the many positives of our time in Kangwali and surrounding villages, there was some difficulty that I’m still trying to digest. I wonder how Jesus would respond to the men, the patriarchal society, and the exploitation of women in the region.

These villages have heard about God’s love for people prior to our arrival there. Unfortunately, that is all that was heard. They know of “God’s grace” without ever believing that sin exists, feeling convicted of their selfishness, or changing their lifestyles to truly follow Jesus.
While I am one of the last people to ever emphasize God’s wrath (love and not fear should be our motivation!), my entire view of the necessity of God’s patience and wrath in the Old Testament has been changing. Truly, the law “has become our tutor to lead us to Christ.” (Gal. 3:24)

Men in these villages live lazy lives of drunkenness where they build a house (a one-time endeavor), let their cattle in and out of their fences, and go on fishing trips. In reality, their fishing trips often mean they are going to other villages to commit adultery or visit other “wives” and children. This is not even hidden. Their exploitation of all the women is just the way things are. And it’s disgusting.
Women are left to take care of children, weave baskets and mats, go fishing with baskets, work in the fields to plant and harvest corn and cassava, grind corn and cassava into nshima, cook, clean, and prepare water for drinking or bathing. The women don’t need the men except for protection and maybe some slight additional provision if they have a good one. If they don’t, they may be beaten to death by their husband or another man as just happened last week (not where I was staying in Kangwali but in another village).

"A God without wrath brought men without sin into a kingdom without judgment through the ministrations of a Christ without a cross." ~Richard Niebuhr

The truth is that most men in those regions did not want to follow Jesus when they realized that their lives must change. They have an alternative “gospel” that tells them that God loves them as they are if they pray one prayer or are baptized once, and they can continue leading lives of drunkenness and adultery.

They love their sin.
Still, God did so much in many lives. Many women found so much more freedom and hope that God is not like the god that they have learned about: a god who is distant, uncaring, and who honors hypocritical words. And, many men seemed to truly grasp how much sin is like a disease in our lives. We want to do evil. They also seemed to begin to understand (yet most were hesitant to follow) that God isn’t interested in just letting criminals off the hook by praying a prayer, but He is interested in changing the heart of the criminal by healing that sin disease in each of us.

Honestly, the ways God moved seemed to overshadow the disappointment. So much good happened in Kangwali and the surrounding villages!

Swinging kids around, tossing them in the air, Lloyd’s magnetic smile, and all his songs seemed to generate much more genuine joy and laughter than the villages are used to experiencing.
Women asked how to prevent stomach illnesses in their kids and we showed them how we were boiling our water the past 3 weeks. We explained that boiling water, especially for the youngest and most vulnerable kids, can prevent so many of the common stomach illnesses due to dirty drinking water.
While living in the villages we built two latrines from local materials and explained how latrines prevent contamination of their drinking water and the spread of disease.
Young, single women took it to heart that there are other better ways to generate income than making alcohol from maize and selling it to the men (though women are partially complicit with the perpetual drunkenness, even most sober men don't actually help them). They began fishing with baskets more frequently so that they could produce a small income for needs such as soap and clothing.
The Good News of Jesus’ death and resurrection to heal us of our sin disease has taken hold in many lives in Kangwali, Mashili, Nyalenga, Lucombo, Zambo, Kapeji, Kusembi, and many other villages along the Lungwevungu and Kashiji Rivers. The seriousness of their conviction to follow Jesus was evident in many questions, comments, and lives as we stayed in the region.
Costa, a few other inconsistent men, and many women came to our daily discipleship teachings to learn how to live out their desire to love and follow Christ through their love and service of those around them in their villages.

So, mission accomplished! Costa returned here to go to Bible School for 4 weeks in Mongu with the Zambia Project before he will return to Kangwali. There is a faithful core group of men and mostly women who will remain under Costa’s leadership. The gospel was heard by hundreds of people who have never before had the chance to hear, so pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to work through the seeds of conviction and hope that were planted these last weeks!

Thanks so much for your prayers for safety and God’s grace!

Don't trust the locals - they get eaten

2011-07-13T15:42:00.007-04:00

Tomorrow I am leaving for Chinguale. Lloyd Kaputula (a good friend and translator) and I hope to stay there for three and a half weeks to share the gospel with completely unreached villages and to train a core group of leaders who can serve and pastor the people there. I will most likely be the second white person to have ever been in their villages (Paul has visited briefly on a few occasions). For that reason, I even shaved off my dreads so the villagers wouldn’t get the wrong idea about Christianity and white people in general! Prayers are desperately needed!

Our mission: to find a man named Kosta who made a sincere commitment to follow Jesus; to teach, disciple, and train him and others to be leaders of a church community in their region; to share the amazing news of God coming to earth in Jesus with as many unreached villages in that region as Lloyd and I can; and to bring two men back (Kosta, hopefully, and one other) to the Zambia Project’s Bible School in Mongu by its winter session that begins in early August.

Our destination: Chinguale
Yesterday, Paul and I sat down to talk specifics, and he used Google Earth to show me the route. My journey with Lloyd will take us from Mongu north to Lukulu (you can find it and follow my description for where I’ll be on google maps!). From there, we will cross the Zambezi River on a small pontoon ferry. As the bird flies, it is about 17 miles to cross the floodplain by foot. (Of course, 17 miles is generous, because the “road” is much more circuitous and longer!) However, there may be ox-carts or something else where we can hitch a ride! After reaching the west side of the floodplain, Lloyd and I will travel north until another road forks off to the northeast, back toward a tributary of the Zambezi. We will follow that road until we come to a fishing camp along the river. Follow this link to see the area and zoom in two or three times to get a view of the windy river! (You can see Lukulu about 18 miles East-Southeast of the Google maps marker.) The image below shows the possible route Lloyd and I will be taking to arrive at our destination. The sections around part of the river might be much too swampy (Paul warned), so Lloyd and I may need to circle back a few miles south to find another crossing where Paul believes the locals usually cross in boats.

In addition to the lions, hyenas, and leopards that may be along our route (according to Paul, if Lloyd and I “get big” and always make eye contact, we’ll be fine), we will arrive in villages that apparently have very large crocodiles lurking in the water. We’ll bathe, wash clothes, and get water in large groups so that we don’t become easy pickings for the crocodiles! However, I was also warned by Paul to never go near the water if I can't see into it for at least ten meters, even if the locals say it's okay. "Don't trust the locals. They get eaten."

Along with general directions and some handy tips on not getting eaten, Paul also made sure that I brought Co-Artem, Amoxillin, and other drugs to treat myself and Lloyd for anything from skin rashes to Falciparum (the worst kind of malaria). Since the entire area is surrounded by rivers and is swampy through much of the year, the mosquitoes will be pretty thick.

In the villages, I will eat what the locals eat (think fish, either little tiny ones called Capenta or other dried variations), work in the fields, go fishing, and share the good news about Jesus! It will be an amazing chance to teach the very basics about Christ and, hopefully, to establish a good foundation with the proper emphasis on our God who loves us with and models for us His self-sacrificial love.

Please be praying for Lloyd and I for the next three and a half weeks!

Why Did Jesus Have to Die?

2011-07-11T13:29:00.012-04:00

Even before hearing the sermon linked below, I had started reading about and wrestling with the atonement and different ways the church has looked at salvation throughout history. The "Satisfaction theory" of the atonement that is prevalent in the Western Church today doesn't seem too different at first glance from the "Christus Victor" model of the atonement that the early church believed. However, the implications are huge even though no one ever talks about "how they believe the atonement worked." Below, I was taking notes and a lot of quotations for my own interest as I was processing what Boyd shared. It is now a summary of his message, paraphrased in my own words (with some of his!), so I would encourage you to listen to his sermon for any quotations and read up on the subject for yourself! I hope the post below is worth it for a shorter version of the message, so please let me know what you think!!

Why did Jesus have to die? - Greg Boyd sermon on February 20, 2005

********************************

Why did Jesus have to die?

A very simple question, and many of us know the obvious answer: “Well, for my sins and the sins of the world.”

Yes, but how and why? It seems to me that most of us (including myself) have had a lot of misconceptions about God because of this question and those misconceptions have damaged our relationships with God.

(This has huge implications for how we think about Jesus, God, and our relationship with him, so please sit down when you have time and a thinking cap on!)

The picture most of us get is that there is a sinner, Joe, who has a broken relationship with God. Sinner Joe rebels against God, sins, and does not worship God, so God is full of wrath and anger against him. God’s wrath is about to fall on sinner Joe, but then at the last moment, Jesus pushes sinner Joe out of the way of the truck of God’s wrath and Jesus gets smashed in his place. God’s wrath falls on Jesus instead of sinner Joe. This is also called the “Satisfaction Theory of the Atonement" that began in the 11th century when salvation and the work of the cross were thought about in more legal terms.

But here are some consequences of thinking about salvation in that way:

First, sinner Joe is thankful for Jesus but isn’t so sure about the Father. The Father seems schizophrenic because sinner Joe hears about His love, but the Father just had to take out his wrath and defend his honor by killing someone in Joe’s place. Jesus becomes the buffer against God the Father. Jesus is like the defense attorney, but we’re not so sure about the prosecutor.

Secondly, Joe found a “legal loophole” that protects him from the Father because of Jesus. Joe thinks of Christianity as magic where Jesus takes the blow and Joe doesn’t have to worry about hell. Joe has fire insurance, but there is no change and no transformation in his life. Joe can go and sin his brains out because he found a loophole protecting him from God’s wrath.

Third, how is it that Jesus takes Joe’s punishment? How can Jesus take Joe’s guilt? Guilt doesn’t seem transferable. So, how is it okay that Jesus gets punished for Joe’s guilt? How is that just of the Father?

Fourth, does God really forgive Joe in this case? Forgiveness is a matter of “releasing a debt.” If God just transferred Joe’s debt and vented his wrath on Jesus, is that really forgiveness? If God just takes out His anger on someone else, did He really forgive anyone? Did God really release someone’s debt?

Fifth, the Bible says that God demonstrates his love for us in this, “While we were sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8), and not that Christ just defends us from the wrath of God. “If you see me, you see the Father.” Jesus shows us who God is. “God so LOVES the world,” NOT, that he was so full of wrath [so God sent his son].

We’re missing something here. This “Satisfaction Model” of atonement doesn’t seem adequate. If it is the only way that people see salvation, then it could even be damaging. The Bible certainly uses this model in a few cases, but it is not the primary way that the Bible speaks about salvation. Another way to think about salvation and the work of the cross was dominant view of the Church until the 11th century when people began thinking about salvation in legal terms.

But first…

God’s plan has always been to have a people for himself. We see that plan in the nation of Israel, in the New Testament Christian community, and in the ultimate image of a marriage union found in the book of Revelation. God wants a bride, His Church, without spot or wrinkle, who lives in perfect union with Him forever. He has always wanted that people, his bride. That plan has never changed.

Time with Adam and Eve in the garden and the whole world up until now seems more like a courtship period, but the goal is a marriage union. God wants a relationship of absolute intimacy. God is with the bride and the bride is with God: that is the goal.

God’s heart toward us has never been a reluctant heart. It has always been a heart toward us, a heart to find the lost sheep.

That was always the plan, but the plan was not that we would say, “NO.”

Our rebellion seemed to cause three problems:

We are separated from God – we believed a deceptive picture of God, and we developed a vacuum in our heart because we don’t know God’s love for us. God MUST ABOLISH THE LIE that He is not Good
We have contracted a fatal disease – sin is a condition we are in, not just individual bad things we do. God must bring about HEALING from that DISEASE
We have surrendered our authority to the Devil and he has enslaved us. God must BREAK the POWER of SATAN from over our lives

The problem God faced in His plan (rescuing His bride) was not a question of, “Who am I going to punish for this mess?” It was and is not a legal problem, but a REALITY PROBLEM. We believe lies about God's goodness, we have a fatal disease where we live in rebellion against God, and we are enslaved by God’s enemy.

It is like a criminal in prison. The criminal only looks at the LEGAL problem. “How can I get off the hook? How can I get out of jail?” But if a criminal has a healthy mother who loves him, she has a REALITY problem. “I love my son and he is a criminal, but how can I save him from himself and change his heart?”

If you take care of the reality issue, the legal issue is solved. If you do the opposite (take care of the legal problem), the reality problem is not solved.

God is not asking, “How do I get my bride off the hook?” He is always interested in the reality: “How do I unveil the lie and show my bride the truth? How do I bring about real healing from her real disease? How do I free my people when they are under real oppression?”

There is a big difference between reality and legality. God is not an uptight accountant in a rage about wrong things. “Oh no! He won’t forgive us without SOMEONE [Jesus] taking the blow and getting killed!” No. There is a reality problem. We believe lies about God, have a fatal disease of rebellion, and are in bondage to the enemy.

God’s answer was the incarnation and the crucifixion– but we can’t think about it in LEGAL TERMS!

We are separated from God and believe lies about who He is – Jesus reveals the true God and restores our faith and trust in Him. None of us have a truly accurate picture about God. We don’t see how beautiful God truly is. With our rebellion we adopted a monstrous picture of God. However, Jesus reveals what God is like, that God always has a “Calvary heart” for rebels, and a self-sacrificial love for people. God is not schizophrenic, with both “love” and this need to just kill someone (sinners or Jesus) because of sin in the world. There is no duplicity in Him. He wants an eternal relationship with his bride and is willing to do anything for that. We can enter into a new covenantal trust with God.
We have contracted a fatal disease, a condition of rebellion against God – In a way that we will never understand, God “made him to be sin who had no sin.” In some way, Christ works as a “medicinal sponge” to suck up our disease of rebellion and heal us from that cancer. Jesus absorbed the disease of our sin (not a legal transaction for our individual sins). God does hate sin, the disease, and so, God’s entire wrath toward the disease came out against Jesus who absorbed it. This is not a dysfunctional God who gets angry at some individual sins and is about to strike people down until Jesus jumped in the way. God is interested in liberating us from our fatal disease and not in a legal transaction that lets us off the hook for our sins. God wanted rid of the disease because He hates the condition that is hurting his bride. God wants, in reality, to free us from our cancer, so we can be His spotless bride. He isn’t interested in just “letting us off the hook” but wants to heal us from the inside out, by getting the cancer out of us.
We surrendered our authority to the devil and he has enslaved us – In the “Satisfaction model” the person stays a criminal but gets freed from prison, but in the "Christus Victor" model, then it’s about the reality of the relationship. We are no longer criminals. We are FREED from our enslavement to the devil. “The reason the son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work” (1 John 3:7). Hebrews 2:14 adds, “By his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death – that is, the devil.” By destroying the power of the devil, it was the ultimate act of love. We are free to praise, follow, and imitate Christ.

The “legal” thinking that pervades the church is certainly an analogy that the Bible uses, but it was not the dominant way to look at salvation and the work of the cross for a millennium after Jesus’ life. It is amazing how much this “satisfaction” view of the cross affects and changes the way we view God and the freedom He gives us.

Take-aways:

God is not PARTLY like Jesus – God is completely like Jesus. There is no sinister streak in God. The fullness of God dwelt in Jesus. Jesus reveals, not conceals, the Father’s heart towards you.
The cross and salvation is about REALITY, and not LEGALITY. God wants to heal us from the power of the devil and free us from our enslavement to him and his desires. God is not interested in just “letting us off the hook.”

In America we think about God in almost exclusively legal terms. Jesus is not a buffer and we should not think about Christ in that way. Will we put ALL OUR TRUST in Jesus and live our entire lives for him? Salvation is not exclusively about what happens after we die (getting out of jail free!). It is about wholeness, a real relationship, and freedom that begins with him now.

***This material comes from Greg Boyd's sermon "Why Did Jesus Have to Die?" on February 20, 2005

a night soil man doing prison labor

2011-07-08T13:48:00.007-04:00

To say that it’s been hectic here is an understatement. Since writing last, I’ve hardly had a moment to catch my breath. Here’s the short list of stuff I’ve been up to, so you can get an idea of what’s going on here!

Traveling to the bush to cast concrete rings for water wells
Hammering rocks into small pieces to make concrete
Cleaning a septic system and installing a new drainage system
Cleaning toilets out and repairing bathroom leaks at Hope Church
Helping install a water well and water tank at Hope Church to get water pressure
Running electrical wires all through the roof and walls of Hope Church for lights
Getting shocked twice at 220 volts instead of the expected 110
Building relationships with young adult guys in Hope Church
Chipping off old paint and repainting the new space for the ladies with Hope Art
Knocking out old shards of glass and cutting and installing new glass windows in the Hope Art room
Putting up ceiling panels in the Hope Art room
Hosting teams of anywhere from 15 people to 120 people
Operating as foreman for the yet-to-be completed malnutrition clinic and installing floor tiles and windows
Teaching and tutoring at the Village of Hope orphan school
Helping with kids church and other weekly kids church programs
Swinging orphans around and throwing them in the air (and trying to catch them =) )
Building Village of Hope houses for orphans and widows
Plastering the walls of the new orphan school
Killing spitting cobras on the Zambia Project base
Doing all the normal daily life things: shopping for food, cooking, cleaning, etc.

So, it’s been hectic. Honestly, it’s probably been a little too hectic as many of us here have grown to have a “work camp” mentality because of the amount of things that need done. That has led me to become overly task-oriented at points instead of loving the people around me first and foremost. Prayers for patience and grace are appreciated!

On top of that, there are 16 young, American, “mid-term” missionaries working with the Zambia Project this summer. As a result, there is the potential for a lot of butting heads as all of us have great ideas about how things should be done. For me, this has been a great opportunity (though difficult at times!) to learn to be much more of a listener, without needing to assert or even share my opinions. After being at Virginia Tech as the oldest leader in InterVarsity for the past two years, it has been very humbling to be in a position where no one cares to hear or listen to my opinion. Though I expected this and knew it would be difficult, I’m very grateful to be out of an environment where I am given such respect whether or not it is my due. Please pray for grace that I could unlearn that hidden assumption that my opinion is worth a lot, and instead, that I could serve and be people-oriented (not task-oriented) without needing to assert myself.
In addition to humbling relationships, a lot of my work has not been any greatly admired “missions work” that many would think of and respect. To put it nicely, I have helped to “clean a septic system and install new drainage systems.” Several Zambian guys and I dug a huge hole where the bathrooms used to drain, so that we could install a proper septic system and create proper drains for the septic tanks and for the showers. In other words, we were shoveling poo. Other tasks have included cleaning out toilets (so that we could find leaks and repair them at the church) and chipping excess paint off of floors. When we are bending over floors for 6-8 hours a day trying to clean up a job poorly done the previous day, it feels like prison labor! (It did especially when we pounded rocks down to the correct size for concrete mixtures for wells!)
Relationships, “prison labor,” and work as a “night soil man” (one who carries poop) have all been very humbling. Many times when we think of someone travelling internationally for missions or service work (i.e. many of my friends who are overseas right now too!), we probably don’t think of them doing dirty grunt work. I certainly don’t picture others I know doing that. I picture something more “glamorous” and perhaps “fulfilling.”
However (!), I would have to say, nothing could have been better than this past month around Mongu. It has been difficult at times, yes. But if you have not read Certain Unalienable Rights, then in brief, I am relearning that I am not entitled to anything. That may sound like a sucky lesson (!), but I have been experiencing more and more genuine joy these past few days and weeks. I am entitled to nothing, and my worth does not come from my reputation or my work. Everything is a gift.
Entitlement generates discouragement, division, and melancholy. Gratitude produces joy and an awareness of so many gifts around us.

Silozi Bibles & Water Wells

2011-06-14T01:00:00.002-04:00

biSome of the conversations I have had with local church leaders here have been heart-breaking. Felix, a brilliant, honest, and hard-working leader in Hope Church (and a five-star chef!) was sharing with me the other day as were working on the electricity for his restaurant:

“It’s so sad, because we want to do so much, but money powers almost everything, and we don’t have it.”

Now, honestly, I would be on my guard if most Zambians said that. It would feel as if they were looking for a handout, and I wouldn’t automatically trust that they would use the money wisely, whether it would be because of laziness or selfishness.

But this is Felix Umboya. He donates massive amounts of his personal finances and time to Hope Church and to reach out to rural villages. He closed his restaurant down (his sole source of income) so that he could go with the Dwelling Place team out into the bush to share the gospel (spending his own income to go), translate for us, and lead worship in several of the native languages. He is currently in the process of moving his restaurant and connecting it to Hope Church to create jobs for church members and so that the community would take more notice of the church. He’s now purchasing equipment for a bakery that he hopes will employ even more church members and allow more money to be funneled into outreaches to rural villages.

“How can Hope Church offer hope if we have nothing to give anyone?” he asked as he described his visions for making Hope Church self-funded.

The situation here in Western Zambia is sad. As I mentioned in previous posts, the people in the rural villages are hungry for the Good News that rescues them from their animistic fears. However, dozens of languages and people groups are unreached. There are also, sadly, only a few dozen Bibles (I know of only one Bible in Silozi, the dominant tribal language, that Hope Church has left to give away). And, if that’s not enough, gas and maintenance costs to get to the villages are high.

In the villages outside of Mongu, the life expectancy is 28 years. There is no clean water in most villages (and almost no water at all!). Diseases easily preventable by water and better hygienic practices run rampant. Honestly, I was there for 4 days and it’s the dirtiest I have ever been (except the Mud Run, for those Virginia Tech people out there!). Without water, it is impossible to stay clean. Children have dried snot on their noses and chins. Dirty hands can’t clean the pus out of their eyes, so flies constantly swarm until children and adults alike grow tired of swatting at them, and they are left to crawl over eyes, mouths, and noses.

And then there is HIV.

It is heartbreaking. We see pictures of kids with flies in their eyes and it’s sad, to be sure. But when you are here, they are not “African kids.” It is Elijah and Ethan, Tumelo and Supiso.

I don’t like many of those tear-jerking pictures that we often see from Africa. It somehow seems to dehumanize the individuals here. At the same time, I understand why those pictures are publicized. When you are here, you want to tug at people’s hearts somehow. I hope that many back in the United States would give, not just out of our excess, but that we would dig deep and sacrifice our time, prayers, and financial resources to love and serve the people here.

It costs about $4,000 to dig a water well (materials, transport, everything), which prevents disease, saves lives, and makes life liveable. It costs almost nothing to buy quality pencils for the orphan school (the current pencils wouldn’t qualify as writing instruments in the United States). It costs a couple hundred dollars to fuel jeeps for regular pastoral visits to the dozens of young churches in the mostly-unreached province of Western Zambia. 1,000 Silozi Bibles can be mass-produced and delivered to the Zambia Project for about $7,000.

The needs are endless. That can be daunting and cause each one of us to give less. I feel that. “What can I do?”

But please do not let that make us do nothing. Many non-profits are extremely inefficient. Many do not have appropriate accountability and follow-up. But I know Paul and Marinette. I know Felix, Morris, Moses, Leonard, Lloyd, and other Zambian Hope Church leaders. The Zambia Project’s management and systems of accountability are incredibly strong. Its leaders’ aim is to empower Zambia, and they are doing just that.

Currently, Western Zambia’s economy is a false economy. It is built on foreign aid. Without foreign aid, there wouldn’t be an economy (so aid can’t just stop, but it should not continue in the same way!). Many projects that provide aid Western Zambia simply are not structured to allow Zambians to take increasing ownership of their lives. The Zambia Project and Hope Church are not that. Paul and Marinette plan to leave. They are working themselves out of a job, and Felix, Morris, Leonard, Moses, and so many other native Zambians have incredible hearts that seek to serve and to continue to empower those around them.

Please consider giving financially and pray that the needs here may be met. I do not like to ask people to give to me, but I am not ashamed to ask you to give sacrificially when it will all go to the needs on the ground here in the western province of Zambia. There is accountability and follow-up. There is discernment to ensure that allocated resources will empower (and not enable) the Zambian people.

Please do not let the massive needs prevent you from doing anything. Let it do the opposite! As we give from more than our excess, we have the opportunity to see God’s provision in our lives, depend more on him, and see the truth that “it is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Donate Here

Certain Unalienable Rights…

2011-06-12T11:00:00.003-04:00

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

~John Hancock in The Declaration of Independence

I appreciate the freedoms that have come with my U.S. citizenship. It has given me the opportunity to have a college education, make money, travel, currently to live in Africa and serve, and so much more. I am grateful for those opportunities.

However, there are also some faulty, ingrained mindsets that have grown from the ideals that are immortalized in the United States.

Even as I have come to Western Zambia to serve, I find myself becoming frustrated at many little things. When I wake up, I want to have some quiet time to myself. If I cook and clean for others, I hope that it would be reciprocated. As I work with others, I hope that effort and excellence would define the work that we do.

Though none of these things are bad, I have felt a growing sense of entitlement. I find myself being irritated when I don't get those things, instead of loving those closest to me.

During an all-night prayer service at Hope Church here in Mongu, God began “speaking” to me (in other words, I felt some pretty distinct impressions that seemed to come from the Holy Spirit). I was reminded of the first time I went to the Amazon Jungle for two months. At the training camp before leaving, a woman began to share about “losing all our rights.”

When we surrendered our lives to Christ, we surrendered all. We said, more or less, that we are willing to pick up and carry our cross. To follow Jesus means that we die to ourselves. Our lives are of no consequence compared with the commands to “love the Lord your God” and “love your neighbor as yourself.”

“But no! I deserve my time, my space, my privacy. I deserve to be served. I deserve to get what I want.”

Even worse, many times living sacrificially becomes another reason for others to notice me, listen to me, and serve me.

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” ~Jesus in Matthew 16:25

Jesus welcomes us... No, he actually commands us to surrender our lives. Our lives are not our own. We were bought with a price. My life is not my own.

My space…
My peace and quiet…
My privacy…
My food…
My water…
My sense of entitlement…

These are not “unalienable rights.” Rights? I have none.

Though I will appreciate each of them, I never can demand them. When I surrendered all to Jesus, I surrendered those rights as well.

And, it’s better. When we strut around with a feeling that “we deserve” this or that, we become miserable bookkeepers, keeping a tally for service given and received. That doesn’t bring peace and joy.

Forgetting myself and surrendering all of my rights to Christ is where joy, peace, and love are found.

Mawe Kulipe 2 - the basics

2011-06-11T15:22:00.005-04:00

Rural western Zambia. Grass huts, dark sand, tall grass, low-lying bushes, a few tall mango trees, and a conspicuous lack of water dominate the scene. Animistic fear, isolation, malnutrition, parasites, trachoma, schistosomiasis, HIV, and other ailments run rampant beneath the surface.

And here we come, a bunch of rich Westerners with our high-tech gear and all our answers? It can seem a little naïve to think that we would be welcomed with open arms in their village, let alone cause any real change. How would we respond if someone moved into our neighborhood, lived in someone’s backyard in a bunch of tents, and shared stories about the God of the world?

Potentially awkward.

However, as mentioned in the previous blog post, the people in Mawe Kulipe have been waiting for such a message. They have heard about its transformative effect on other villages around them and are hungry. Spirituality is not a private affair as it is in the West. It is something yearned for, it’s very public, and it contains radical implications for their everyday lives. They want to hear about God.

As the people of Mawe Kulipe learned about the freedom Jesus offers their lives, they started with the most basic questions. “Is Jesus a man or a woman?” “If we become part of God’s family, why is our skin different colors?”

So, we start with the basics. It’s not very often in the world that you begin sharing the story of salvation with people who know nearly nothing about it.

Yet, they did know quite a bit about it. And perhaps, they are more familiar with their need for such a story than we ever will be. They believe in the creator God, but they also believe in and see more evidence of the devil and demons that curse and destroy their lives. This leaves them in a state of helplessness and hopelessness.

Sometimes for hours on end, I got to talk with the people of Mawe Kulipe about the story of God’s redemption of the world in the Bible; Jesus coming to live, suffer, and die for us; the Holy Spirit and how God communicates with us as his children; and the new life we have as the family of God.

The transformation was incredible. About two to three dozen adults actively participated in the times of worshiping, teaching, and sharing, and several leaders in the village stayed all day to learn more. Many young men and children also joined us. The change was evident as people found so much hope and joy in their new lives. They are excited to become the church of Mawe Kulipe, to learn more about Jesus, and to share him with their neighbors. By the time we left, several were already bringing friends from other villages to hear the news as well as going to other villages to share!

Over the next few weeks, Hope Church will continue to send leaders from their church to Mawe Kulipe to continue to teach and to identify leaders in the new church who will be trained at the Zambia Project Bible School in Mongu.

So, what can a bunch of white people do? We took a few baby-steps. BUT, because of causing quite a commotion to draw in a crowd, a new church has been planted. And, Hope Church, the Zambia Project, and the local pastors and leaders working in the area are continuing to follow up and empower the new believers in Mawe Kulipe. Already another weekly visit has gone by with about 3 dozen adults attending and as many children. Tomorrow, a local pastor and I will be returning to visit the believers again. And, over the next few weeks, visits will continue and a clean water well will be installed. The hopes are that this will improve hygiene, prevent diseases, and eventually increase agricultural productivity.

The spiritual and practical impact of the Zambia Project and Hope Church in the region surrounding Mawe Kulipe is astounding because of their vision, local empowerment, cultural sensitivity, and appropriate follow-up.

Please continue to pray for the church here! Your diligence to remember us here can tip the balance in the Kingdom of God!

Blessings!

Mawe Kulipe – good news Now

2011-06-05T08:35:00.003-04:00

Mawe Kulipe (Mah - way - Koo - lee - pay)

That’s the name of the village we went to.

The village leader, called the nduna (en – doo – nah), had wanted the Zambia Project and Hope Church (the Zambia Project church plant that is increasingly run by local Zambians) to come to their village, share the gospel, and plant a church in their village for some time. In the western province of Zambia, the animistic culture leaves many people in a state of fear as witch doctors, demons, and curses cripple relationships, self-determination, and progress. As villages have seen the freedom that comes with the good news found in Jesus Christ, village leaders have asked for Hope Church to come, and as things stand now, there are many open invitations to hear about Jesus and establish church groups in rural villages. It is only time, money, and volunteers holding the Zambia Project and Hope Church back from going to these unreached places.

That being the case, the team from Dwelling Place arrived in Mawe Kulipe, and the whole village seemed to turn up to watch the makuas (white people) set up their camp. While setting up, Ron was told by the translators that the people were saying, “We want to hear about Jesus.” Ron told them that we would be visiting homes the next day and that there would be a service that evening. They replied, “We have waited so long. You don’t have anything that you could share with us now?”

After sharing briefly about the freedom Jesus brings, about half the village chose to make Jesus the Lord of their lives.

We think of the gospel of Jesus Christ in terms of sin, repentance, and eternal life. That story doesn’t really make as much sense to the people of Western Zambia. To them, they experience bondage and curses in their everyday lives. Demonic activity is obvious in the animistic culture that permeates their lives. Fear and sleeplessness trouble the majority of the people.

For these people, the hope of the cross is freedom from their present bondage. When Jesus is Lord of their lives, he is not freeing them for a distant eternity. He is freeing them now, from demons, curses, and lies that they have believed. And, they are hungry for that Good News.

A man was giving a big dinner, and he invited many; and at the dinner hour he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come; for everything is ready now.’ But they all alike began to make excuses.

The first one said to him, ‘I have bought a piece of land and I need to go out and look at it; please consider me excused.’

Another one said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try cannot come.’

Another one said, ‘I have married a wife, and for that reason I cannot come.’

And the slave came back and reported this to his master. Then the head of the household became angry and said to his slave, ‘God out at once into the streets and lanes of the city and bring in here the poor and crippled and blind and lame.’

And the slave said, ‘Master, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.’

And the master said to the slave, ‘Go out into the highways and along the hedges, and compel them to come in, so that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste of my dinner.

~Luke 14:16-24

The people here are hungry for the good news. Sadly, the culture I come from often is not. How often are our lives and the lives of those around us characterized by excuses for why we will not respond to God? The dominant culture does not believe that Jesus frees us now, from bondage, lies, destructive habits, addictions, greed, and self-centeredness.

I know that I can at least speak for myself. I have been wrestling. My do-it-yourself attitude is getting wrecked. In my heart, I often believe I am strong enough. I can take care of myself. I don’t really need Jesus for freedom in my everyday life, just for the “sin problem.” I go about my business and make excuses instead of knowing the Good News found in Jesus for my life now.

Jesus brings freedom now. I want and need that so much!

He has a banquet for me, but I go about my business.
He frees me from all bondage and every lie so that I can rest easy.
He loves me more than I can fathom, a love that is unearned and undeserved.
He says that my worth is intrinsic in who I am and not acquired by how I live.

I hope we can each know the freedom Jesus brings us now.

***More about the village of Mawe Kulipe, what happened, and what’s coming up in the next few blogs.***

Zombies arriving in Zambia

2011-05-21T12:57:00.002-04:00

After 3 nights with minimal sleep, Stephanie, Lucas, Brian, and I have flown 15 hours across the Atlantic, met up with the rest of our 19 member team in Johannesburg, South Africa, flown to Lusaka, and bussed 8 hours across Western Zambia to arrive at Mutoya, the base for the Zambia Project outside of Mongu.

Needless to say, some of the team members looked half-dead with the huge bags developing under their eyes and their mouths hanging open as they dropped asleep at random moments on the bumpy bus ride.

Jet-lagged, we're now trying to flip our internal clocks to the 6 hour time difference, so we can get plugged into all of the relationships swirling around us! Today after napping for about 3 hours, I got up to wander around and ran into a couple of dozen kids on a soccer field. Needless to say, I was black from all of the dust an hour later after kicking the ball around and throwing kids in the air.

As the team is getting ready to head out into the bush, Lucas, Brian, Stephanie, and I are also beginning to meet some of the other mid-term interns here at Mutoya who will be living and serving with for the next several months. They will be doing a variety of things such as construction projects, discipleship, and sports ministries in town.

The scenery is gorgeous, the sunsets amazing, the people beautiful and smiling, and the accommodations at the base are very comfortable. We have so much to be grateful for.

Your prayers are greatly appreciated for a quick recovery from the lack of sleep and the grace to begin well! Pictures should be going up, so feel free to follow the links!

Hippos, black mambas, crocodiles, Oh My!!!

2011-05-18T17:41:00.004-04:00

Off to Africa!!

Friends, I hope yall're (this is a new word I learned from my girlfriend, Stephanie) doing really well. For those who have had doubts, I would like to inform you all that I have indeed GRADUATED!!! Virginia Tech gave me my degree and I promptly gave it to my mom to safeguard. Thanks mom!!

Right now I am hectically getting ready to fly out of the country, and I covet your prayers for grace and patience with everyone around me.

Here is the game plan:

Around 6:10 a.m. tomorrow (May 19), the last four of us on the team will be flying out of Roanoke (VA) airport and doing a few hops around the Northeast (Dulles & JFK) and then we'll be off to Johannesburg, South Africa. From there, we'll catch up with the other 15 team member who will be recovering from jet lag for a few hours in a hotel. That evening (the 20th), all 19 of us will be flying to Lusaka, Zambia where we will take an 8-hour bus ride across the country to Mongu in Western Zambia.

On Saturday and Sunday (May 21 & 22), we'll take a day or two to recover from jet lag and sink into life in the Mutoya base for the Zambia Project. We'll certainly be taking time to love on orphans in the Village of Hope, making crafts with them, playing sports with the older guys, and serving everyone there however we can! (Please pray for grace - we'll be running on a little bit of adrenaline when we first arrive!)

After that, most likely on Monday, we'll be heading out into the bush, defending the girls on the team against all the hippos and black mambas. While there, the team will spend about a week planting a church in a village that has left a standing invitation for people to come and share the good news with them (they just haven't had the time or manpower before!). Our time in the bush will end on the following Monday, when 15 team members will leave for Capetown to work in the urban jungle.

At that point I hope to get back in touch and share a more definite plan for the coming weeks. Please be praying for Andrew Pittman as he tore his meniscus a week ago and hopes for a speedy recovery to join us there in a few weeks! Please also pray for Stephanie Bruse, my girlfriend, who will be working primarily in the Village of Hope; for two good friends from my small group this year, Brian Ledwith and Lucas Kane, who will working with different projects in Zambia for the entire summer; and for me, for grace to love those on the team and everyone we come in contact with.

"If we don't have love, we are nothing." (1 Cor. 13:2 - ish)

Please, PLEASE, be praying!!! It is through your prayers that we see God's hand move.

Love yall!

Bryan

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!!!

I've Graduated? Thank you, my friends!

2011-05-16T00:35:00.000-04:00

So… wow!

I have graduated! Seven long years in the making!
Well, 4 ½ years in school, 1 doing engineering work, and 1 ½ living in Peru and traveling through South and Central America. I could never have expected this as I began as a freshman at Virginia Tech in 2004.

My few years here at Virginia Tech and back again have been full of so many memories, unforgettable shared experiences, and the best friends and loved ones that I could ever hope for.

There are so many people that I want to spend time with, and it hurts when I feel that I have to cut time with friends short, may let them down, and wish that they could know how much I appreciate them!

Even as I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, graduating, saying so many goodbyes, and preparing to leave for Africa, countless friends have given me encouraging notes, shared stories and memories that they appreciated from our time together, and prayed over me and the not-so-distant future that has arrived. It has been an incredible blessing even while I’ve felt stretched almost to breaking.

Thank you.

It is because of you all that I have glimpsed God’s patience and care for me, even when I don’t deserve it.

It is because of this community and my loved ones that I have felt empowered to go.

It is because of you all that the experience and reality of Jesus’ grace and love are sinking in.

Thank you.

Your Worth is Given, not Acquired

2011-05-15T14:39:00.000-04:00

“The more an idol works for you, the harder it is to get free of that idol.” (Greg Boyd in his sermon, “Insignificance Happens” on 3/20/2011)

When a lie works for so long, it’s so hard for me to stop believing it. I’ve been pretty “successful” by many people’s standards. For that reason, I increasingly believe that I must continue to be able to succeed, to be strong, and to handle everything. I put an immense amount of pressure on myself to live up to my own standards, and then I internally collapse and isolate myself when I cannot.

Emotionally, I’ve been a wreck. I don’t want to list all of the things floating around in my head, but I have been feeling an increasing amount of insecurity and inferiority. I can’t be who I want to be. The “reputation” that sometimes may precede me is one that I don’t think is true at all.

Instead of faith and courage, I feel fear. Instead of worth, insignificance. Instead of patience and love, impatience and agitation. I can identify more than ever with Paul’s words in Romans 7, “For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing that I hate.”

But God… (these are some of the best words ever)

But God does not love us based on what we do. My worth is not acquired. It is given.

“Acquired worth” is a lie. However, it is one that I believe so quickly and completely.

Today, there may be all sorts of things in your life and in mine that give us good evidence for why we can’t “hold it all together.” Each of us knows our own ugliness much more than anyone else could ever know. But we don’t earn our worth. It is given to us, not acquired.

Thank you Father.

Fiddlin' with the roots

2011-04-23T01:11:00.002-04:00

The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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Bryan, you are not "safe" when you have properly diagnosed a problem and correctly understand all the roots and inner-workings of how God operates. You cannot dig inside someone, including yourself, to figure out where the bad roots are and remove them or change them. It is not within your power to bear good or bad fruit. Even your theology, your belief structure, cannot do that. Self-deception occurs quickly when you think that way.

Let go. Let go of control. Let go of the control of playing with the roots, of making changes here or there, in order to bear good fruit.

Simplicity.

You must be grafted to the vine. Stick to Jesus. He loves you. His grace overflows towards you. You are his bride and he wants to marry you.

Only one thing is required of you. Believe on Jesus. Know his love. Let his love soak into your soul.

Do not think about the results. Don’t think about the fruit. “If I do that then I’ll have joy, peace, and love to share with those around me.” The natural outflow of Jesus’ love for you is beautiful, but you must not think of such things. Then you have only turned his love into a means. It is not a means.

It is the end.

Nothing is required of you. He loves you. Soak into his love and grace.

Out of Solitude

2011-04-17T11:33:00.005-04:00

Another work by Henri Nouwen, a mentor and spiritual guide in my life who has been so greatly appreciated.

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Out of Solitude
Henri Nouwen

That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else-to the nearby villages-so I can preach there also. That is why I have come." So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons.
Mark 1:32-29

Our Life in Action

It Is not so difficult to see that, in our particular world, we all have a strong desire to accomplish something. Some of us think in terms of great dramatic changes in the structure of our society. Others want at least to build a house, write a book, invent a machine, or win a trophy. And some of us seem to be content when we just do something worthwhile for someone. But practically all of us think about ourselves in terms of our contribution to life. And when we have become old, much of our feelings of happiness or sadness depend on our evaluation of the part we played in giving shape to our world and its history. As Christians we even feel a special call to do something good for someone: give advice, comfort, cast out a devil or two, and maybe even preach the good news from place to place.

But although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in our goal-oriented society, it can also become the source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem. More often than not we not only desire to do meaningful things, but we often make the results of our work the criteria of our self-esteem. And then we not only have successes, we become our successes. When you are in the habit of giving speeches in this country, you find that the older you get, the longer your introducers speak, since they feel obligated to list all your accomplishments from your college days to the present.

When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth. And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world, but also of the world. Then we become what the world makes us. We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We are helpful because someone says thanks. We are likable because someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers us indispensable. In short, we are worthwhile because we have successes. And the more we allow our accomplishments -the results of our actions- to become the criteria of our self-esteem, the more we are going to walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if we will be able to live up to the expectations which we created by our last successes. In many people's lives, there is a nearly diabolic chain in which their anxieties grow according to their successes. This dark power has driven many of the greatest artists into self-destruction.

In this success-oriented world, our lives become more and more dominated by superlatives. We brag about the highest tower, the fastest runner, the tallest man, the longest bridge and the best student. (In Holland we brag in reverse: we have the smallest town, the narrowest street, the tiniest house and the most uncomfortable shoes.)

But underneath all our emphasis on successful action, many of us suffer from a deep-seated, low self-esteem and are walking around with the constant fear that someday someone will unmask the illusion and show that we are not as smart, as good or as lovable as the world was made to believe. Once in a while someone will confess in an intimate moment, "Everyone thinks I am very quiet and composed, but if only they knew how I really feel. . . " This nagging self-doubt is at the basis of so much depression in the lives of many people who are struggling in our competitive society. Moreover, this corroding fear for the discovery of our weaknesses prevents community and creative sharing. When we have sold our identity to the judges of this world, we are bound to become restless, because of a growing need for affirmation and praise. Indeed we are tempted to become low-hearted because of a constant self-rejection. And we are in serious danger of becoming isolated, since friendship and love are impossible without a mutual vulnerability.

And so when our actions have become more an expression of fear than of inner freedom, we easily become the prisoners of our self-created illusions.

In solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us. In solitude we can listen to the voice of him who spoke to us before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It's there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.

In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness. We can learn much in this respect from the old tree in the Tao story about a carpenter and his apprentice:

A carpenter and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful oak tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: "Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?" The apprentice looked at his master and said:

"No . . . why?"

"Well," the carpenter said, "because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax."

In solitude we can grow old freely without being preoccupied with our usefulness and we can offer a service which we had not planned on. To the degree that we have lost our dependencies on this world, whatever world means -father, mother, children, career, success or rewards- we can form a community of faith in which there is little to defend but much to share. Because as a community of faith, we take the world seriously but never too seriously. In such a community we can adopt a little of the mentality of Pope John, who could laugh at himself. When a highly decorated official asked him, "Holy Father, how many people work in the Vatican?" he paused a moment then replied, "Oh, about half of them I suppose."

As a community of faith we work hard, but we are not destroyed by the lack of results. And as a community of faith we constantly remind one another that we form a fellowship of the weak, transparent to him who speaks to us in the lonely places of our existence and says: "Do not be afraid. You are accepted."

Perfectionism will kill you

2011-04-07T08:51:00.005-04:00

The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You feel that transformation in other people around in you depends all on your charisma and effort. You believe that change is up to you.

Without realizing it you have turned a partial truth into a lie; the truth that: "With great power (or knowledge) comes great responsibility."

The pressure mounts and you are valued only for what you have to offer. And, in the end, you believe that it is your effort and not God's grace that causes change.

The most sinister thing that begins to happen is that you begin to demand that effort and even perfection by those closest to you. You try so hard to meet everyone's needs, and you demand that your significant others do the same for you. This pushes them away and prevents them from being able to show their love for you.

Let go of that lie. God causes change. You get to enjoy him and point to the joy and love that He gives.

Perfectionism will kill you.
.

Morning Liturgy

2011-04-04T09:39:00.004-04:00

The morning liturgy that Stephanie and I wrote together as a call and response.

Father, You are worthy of everything,
- All honor, praise, and glory.
Thank you for loving and pursuing us
- Even when we fight against you.
Your love is trustworthy,
- We rest in you.

Selah

Jesus, you have made all things new;
- Glimpses of your Kingdom are breaking through.
Give us your vision
- To pierce through today’s darkness and cynicism.
Give us new eyes
- To appreciate each and every small joy.
Give us wonder
- To revel in your grace.
Give us strength
- To faithfully hold onto Your Ideal

That we might embrace:
- Joy, - in places of sorrow
- Healing, - where there is suffering
- Hope, - over despair
- Peace, - in the midst of chaos
- Love, - instead of hate
- New life, - where death reigns.

Selah

Holy Spirit, give us grace to follow Jesus today;
- Transform us more into His likeness.

- He gave;
- - Teach us to give.
- He served;
- - Teach us to serve.
- He loved;
- - Teach us to love.

Let us display your beauty with our lives
- And boast about your majesty with our words.
Show us what you would have us say or do
- Or have us step aside.
Work through us
- Or in spite of us.
Today help us to serve everyone around us,
- Beginning with one another.

All because of your Love that eclipses this world.
You make us complete.
You are all we need.

Amen

The Prodigal Son

2011-03-28T10:33:00.004-04:00

Trying to be the father of the prodigal son,
compassionate, patient, and tender,
embracing the lost, lonely, and wayward,

Is impossible without knowing that embrace myself,
compassionate, patient, and tender,
embracing me when I am lost, lonely, and wayward...

How can I learn to receive that embrace?
How come I try to be like the father
Before ever knowing how he celebrates my return?

Does prayer really matter?

2011-03-24T22:40:00.021-04:00

Those who know me or who have read Who am I? know that I am a person of action. I love to take leaps and trust God. When I see a need, I do not just want to pray about it, I want to meet it tangibly. When there is a place that has not heard the gospel, I want to go.

So, when I am really honest with myself, I would have to say that I have struggled to believe in the power of prayer. Sometimes, those who pray seem to use it as an excuse for not doing something with their own hands and feet. Many times we only say, "I'll pray for you," because we feel helpless or resistant about doing anything more.

What is the point of prayer? If God will not give us what is not good, and he always will do what is right, then is there a reason to pray? Many times we may even say, "Prayer moves mountains!" But does it? How many times do we pray for something that we know God says He wants but He does not move?

So what does prayer do? God knows what is best and He will do it. He knows what is not right so He won't do that. Really, God seems to listen to us whimsically at best based on how often our prayers are unanswered.

Where does that leave us then? If you've stayed with me this far, then I hope you stay with me a bit longer...

Wrestling though the purpose of prayer has made me ask, "What really changes things in the world? What changes our circumstances according to the Bible?"

1) Natural laws -

God set natural laws in place that govern the world. If these were broken any time someone prayed, then it would seriously mess up the norms that allow people to function and communicate. Germs and viruses make people sick. Gravity makes people fall. Stupidity gets people hurt. Addictive behavior establishes trends in people's lives that are hard to break.

2) Other free will agents -

God wants people to fall in love with him, and so He will never force His will on someone else. People are stubborn. The rebellion and resistance of others to loving and following God will prevent Him from doing what He would pure and simply want to do. He wants people to do His will. When people don't, he won't force them to.

And, people are not the only free-will agents in the universe. Without getting too freaky or crazy charismatic, there are angelic beings and demonic forces, and they also choose to obey or rebel against God's will. See Daniel 10, specifically verses 11-13, about the reason why the answer to Daniel's prayer was delayed. There was a spiritual battle going on between "rulers and principalities in the heavenly realms!" How often could we not know the "inside info" that Daniel found out?

3) Our actions -

Not only does the stubbornness of other people and spiritual forces impact God's will being carried out. Our own personal rebellion impacts whether or not God's will is done. When we pray for peace and justice, we may be the answer to our own prayers as the hands and feet of Jesus in the world. Through our love, service, forgiveness, gentle words, or reconciliation, God may bring about His Kingdom. Alternatively, through our bitterness, resentment, grudges, harsh words, violence, or hate, our attitudes and actions resist God's Kingdom coming on earth like it is in heaven.

4) Our prayers -

Jesus makes abundantly clear that our prayers make a difference. Though it is difficult to see, we are given insight into how and why God moves. Jesus seems to say that both our faith and our persistence in prayer impact God's will be carried out. (Luke 11 & 18, etc)

So, what does that mean? There are all these other reasons for or against God moving in the world. What difference does prayer make? Can prayer just negate all of these other factors?

Perhaps the spiritual war that is going on in the world would better be described as a set of scales.
There are so many factors that weigh in for or against God's Kingdom coming on earth like it does in heaven. Maybe our persistent and faithful prayers are what can tip the balance.

Maybe Jesus asks that we pray because it IS God's will for specific things to happen, but God will not force His will. Someone's rebellion because of past wounds, spiritual forces aggravating their stubbornness, and addictions that will not let their stranglehold go: these could all be tipping the balance against God's kingdom coming on earth like it is in heaven.

Kind, gentle, and wise words and deeds are not the only thing that could make all the difference.

Maybe persistent and faithful prayer actually is powerful, effective, and necessary to tip the balance.

Decisions that can leave scars

2011-03-13T22:40:00.007-04:00

Hey friends!

I recurrently wrestle with the choice to leave comfort and go to places of pain and suffering. Decisions like this are always hard and there are always good reasons to choose an easy, pain-free route.

Please know that as I go to Zambia, I will be in places of tremendous poverty, malnourishment, disease, and death. When I see the AIDS epidemic firsthand and the scars it leaves on broken families and innocent orphans, it will be natural to wrestle with God and ask, “Why?” In the future I hope to continue to serve the poor and marginalized in places like Zambia. Questions come up in these places about God’s goodness and love for people that can start hitting close to home. Why do children have to die from preventable diarrheal diseases from impure water? How could a good God not provide a way out for so many?

I have been thinking a lot about why I go to difficult places, why I must go, and why I want to go (links are to other blog posts for those who are interested). There is so much purpose and joy in a life defined by service. I honestly enjoy and love life more serving in places of pain than I would living the American dream. Pleasure is a poor substitute for purpose. And, a purposeful life is a pleasurable one.

However, even though I can write about all that with a great deal of conviction and excitement, I also want to write to you about my own weakness and need. Many times I do not allow people to see how painful, confusing, ambiguous, and discouraging that life can be. It is difficult to demonstrate reason for hope in a good God in places that have serious reasons to question God’s goodness.

So first, I love your encouragement and hope for it over the long haul, not just in response to this email, but months and years from now as you think of and pray for me. Your encouragement is greatly appreciated but even more than that: it can give me hope when there appears to be none.

I hate talking about money, and this is honestly not the point of the email. I never plan on making a decision of whether or not I serve the poor and marginalized by the amount of money in my bank account. It is my hope to use my engineering degree to serve people without money, and it takes very little money for me to live in those impoverished communities with them, so I will serve regardless. However, there are unending needs, and the people I will serve won’t be paying me for my service. I doubt I will ever be able to keep much of a reserve for myself because a water-well could keep friends of mine alive, so how can I save money when friends of mine may die if I don’t share?

Please know that I do not plan on reminding people repeatedly of these needs, but they are always there. If you follow this link to another blog post, then there are directions about how you can share financially.

Most importantly, I need your prayer. This is most essential, and I hope that you would participate in serving the poor by dedicating yourself over the coming months to praying for the team going to Zambia, for me, and for the marginalized in Zambia and around the world. I cannot serve and love as Jesus does without the grace He gives. And, for some reason, Jesus says that God specifically responds when we talk to him. Prayer moves the hand of God, and there is no reason for me to go anywhere or serve anyone if God does not go with me. Please pray continually.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers and encouragement. You are a blessing to me!

Have peace,

bryan

“Shared sorrow is half a sorrow, shared joy is a double joy.”
~Swedish proverb

Why do I want to go?

2011-03-10T18:10:00.001-05:00

Why do I want to go to places that are impoverished, marginalized, and even violent?

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us. Like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” ~C.S. Lewis

I have often been described as an idealistic dreamer. That has often frustrated me in the past, because it feels as if people use this as an excuse to dismiss anything I might say. While I hope my idealism would not encourage others to disregard my words or lifestyle, I don’t feel frustrated by being called idealistic anymore. If anything I take it as a compliment.

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Recently I have realized that my idealism may actually be faith. When I have a vision of God’s kingdom coming to earth as it is in heaven and grow assured of God’s desire to bring that kingdom, that idealistic dream produces a conviction in my life. That conviction of things that are not yet seen prompts me to enact that kingdom even though it is not here yet.

Victor Frankl, holocaust survivor, said, “When a man cannot find meaning, he numbs himself with pleasure.”

There is purpose for my life as a member of Jesus’ family. We are the first fruits of a new kingdom and a new way to live. This new idealistic way of life gives us a vision for a future that is worth dedicating ourselves to as well as a real, deep-seated pleasure that comes in spite of difficulties.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” ~Jesus in Mark 13:44

Completely abandoning everything to live and love as Jesus did is not a burden or even a sacrifice. When we have discovered the treasure that is only found in a life with Jesus, there is nothing that we would rather do. Any small discomforts are worth the tremendous gain of being with Jesus. Knowing Jesus is eternal life.

This is not just true because of the beautiful, unending, glorious reward that we get after we die. No. This life is better now! Jesus said, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last, first.” (Mark 10:29-31)

As we follow Jesus and live as he lived, there is a love, joy, and peace that are superior to anything we can accumulate now. This sounds a bit selfish to me. Even better is the fact that orphaned children will know they are loved, widows will know God’s provision, and victims of sex-trafficking and child slavery will have tangible evidence of a good God in spite of serious reason to doubt him.

When we go, we are first-hand observers of Jesus’ healing and reconciliation that he is beginning now and will perfect when he brings his kingdom to earth as it is in heaven.

Lastly and most importantly, I want to go because I want to be with Jesus. Matthew 25 quotes Jesus as saying: “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me… Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

Jesus not only loves to hang out with the poor and the sick and those who need a doctor and a savior, but when we spend time with the poor, “we find Jesus in his most distressing disguise” as Mother Teresa said.

To know Jesus is eternal life. There is nothing better than spending time with him and even serving him as I live among the poor, broken, and outcast.

Why must I go?

2011-03-09T18:00:00.003-05:00

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Why do I feel that I must go to impoverished, marginalized people groups?

This is hard for me to write about because I don’t feel that I have to go as much as I want to go. Jesus wants people to fall in love with him, not to trudge into this relationship like an undesirable arranged marriage.

However, the fact that I want to go is inherently tied to the fact that I must go. When I dedicated my life to loving and following Jesus as my Love and my Lord, that meant I surrendered my life to his leadership. However, following Jesus and his radical commands are also simply better for my life. Jesus came and died because the God of the universe wants to marry me. When he tells me that specific things are good to do, I must do them, because I have committed myself as his covenant partner to trust and follow him. When he tells me things that I must do, I know that they are also good and I will have more joy when I stick close to him.

It is true that God has not commanded every follower of Jesus to sell everything they have or to move overseas. However, too many times it is said, “I would be willing,” but that willingness is never acted on.

“The fact that Jesus did not command all his followers to sell all their possessions gives comfort only to the kind of people to whom he would issue that command.” ~Robert Gundry

“Being willing to obey” is completely different than obeying. Of course we must be willing to obey Jesus if we have made him as Lord of our lives! That much is obvious. Actual tangible obedience is much more difficult. It shows where our allegiance lies, and it’s at this point that we see the risk of following Jesus, and we grow afraid and tentative.

A shortened paraphrase of Luke 12 where Jesus warns his disciples of persecution and cautions them against greed goes like this: “Death is all they can do to you, but your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom!” We must go because our maker and covenant partner asks us to, but neither do we need to be afraid to go because our father is trustworthy no matter how bad things look.

I do not go from guilt or because I gain a sense of value by sacrificing in certain ways. It is because my value system has slowly begun to change as I spend time with my Lord. He created the universe and humbled himself to become a vulnerable fetus, to serve the poor, and to suffer and die for reconciliation rather than use his power to make people love and serve him.

That is weird.

Because he loves me and wants to marry me, I want to be more like him. And, since He is crazy in how he loves, pursues, and sacrifices for people, I must be crazy in how I love people, pursue, and sacrifice for people.

The guys in my freshman small group and I were talking in our Bible study about some of the tough questions we wrestle with. As we were talking the hope came up that “everyone has a chance.”

One guy said, “It seems so unfair that God wouldn’t give everyone in the world the chance to hear about him.” “Yeah, but he has given people the chance, but we just haven’t told them,” another said.

“Then that would mean that others’ salvation depends on us,” the first said. “If this is true, that would change my life. This is kind of convicting.”

The idea that “their salvation depends on us” is very scary, especially when no one else is willing to go and display Jesus’ self-sacrificial love to people where Jesus has been badly misrepresented by Christians. It’s for that reason that we must go. Jesus wants his bride, and we want to be like him, so we must be like him in his desire to love those that we believe are our enemies.

“For, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’ But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?” ~Romans 10:13-14
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Why do I go?

2011-03-08T17:49:00.001-05:00

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Why do I go to impoverished, marginalized groups of people?

I go because of an ever-increasing awareness of how my selfishness will never satisfy me while selflessness will.

If Jesus saves me from my sins and one of the deepest roots of my sin is my selfishness, how can my life following Jesus still be selfish? Is it possible for a “normal Christian life” to still be driven by self-interest if I have been saved from that sin of selfishness?

This new life with Jesus motivates me to serve and love self-sacrificially. It is unnatural, difficult, and may be regarded as an unhealthy interest in risk, danger, or even masochistic pain. It is not those things. It is the hard path of compassion that I instinctively don’t want to follow.

Henri Nouwen wrote concerning the compassionate life: “Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it.”

When I thought about the main point of Christianity, it was normal to think of God’s love for people, Jesus coming and dying for us, and our ultimate destiny to live in bliss forever if we trust in Jesus. I want to challenge what I used to believe and say that that is NOT the point of Biblical Christianity, nor its primary message. If that were the primary message of Christianity, then haven’t I made Christianity into something about myself? It then becomes all about God’s love for me, Jesus dying for me, and eternal bliss for me. I become the center of this selfish Christianity.

I am not the center of Christianity. If I were, then all I would have is a miserable veneer of the real thing. No joy is found in greed and self-centeredness. I will have cheated myself out of real joy by making the center of Christianity myself.

The center of Christianity is God.

The primary message of Christianity is that God wants his bride, a people from every language, tribe, nation, and tongue who will love him and give him all glory, honor, and praise forever and ever. It is good news because He has stooped very low in His willingness to love self-sacrificially because He wants His bride that badly.

And, I get to have Him. That is good news.

God’s marriage to his bride is the good news and the end goal. I have a small, personal glimpse of it now, but it is not yet the currently reality for his people. Until God redeems all things, I am missing out on the joy of a life with Jesus if I live selfishly until that reality comes true.

The point of Jesus’ life was to get his bride. He wants his bride, a spotless bride without blemish from every language, tribe, nation, and tongue. My purpose is selfless, not selfish.

The point of my life is to tell people that Jesus wants to marry them. He wants them as his bride.

Jesus deserves the reward of his suffering. He deserves his bride.
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Zambia Finances

2011-03-07T17:13:00.009-05:00

The only purpose of this post is to inform those who are interested about the financial aspects of going to Zambia. So, for all of you who groan inside at this in spite of the title of the post, please don’t read any further! For those of you who have already asked about how you can contribute financially, your willingness and joy to give has been a great testimony and encouragement to me. In many ways I would prefer not to write about finances at all when it could discourage people from being challenged and encouraged by things that God is doing over the ocean. However, I want to make a means of joining the ministry in Zambia available to everyone who is interested and inform you about how you can contribute to this trip and the on-going ministry in-country.

First and easiest –

You can go http://www.thesamnetwork.com/ and there is a donate button on the right side of the page. After you enter your information to donate and proceed to the confirmation page, there will be a "add special note" line where you can type my name to help support my four months in Zambia and the projects we are working on there. This is the personal missions web page of Ron Barnard, pastor of Dwelling Place and director of the South Africa Missions Network, with whom I am helping to lead the Zambia trip.

Second –

You can write checks out to “Dwelling Place Christian Fellowship” and send them to:

3325 N Franklin St

Christiansburg, VA 24073

If you do this, you MUST NOT write anything in the memo line. Dwelling Place has had some problems making gifts tax deductible if there is something written in the memo line. Instead, you can include a note saying "Zambia – Bryan Carey " or something to that effect.

Third –

It would not be tax deductible but you can always send checks to my home address:

5 Eberly Drive

Shippensburg, PA 17257

I honestly do not expect this, but if my college debt would be paid off by means of selling my stuff or through the support of others, I would jump into full-time, international ministry in urban slums as quickly as I am able. Ultimately I hope to live in unreached urban slums of the Middle East, North Africa, or South Asia.

Again, thank you for your encouragement and your financial support, but even more, for your prayers!

to AFRICA and beyond !!

2011-02-22T16:44:00.001-05:00

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Hey friends!!

Its been a long time since I was in Latin America and emailed everyone, so I want to keep this short and give you a quick update!

Well, I am FINALLY about to graduate with my Civil Engineering degree with a concentration in water resources. May 13 & 14 are university and college graduations from Virginia Tech. And, 2 days later on May 16 I am flying to Zambia to work with The Zambia Project in western, rural villages for about four months.

My local pastor, Ron Barnard, asked if I could help lead a team from our Christian community, Dwelling Place, for three weeks. While there, the team will be doing outreach to villages as well as potential projects in the town of Mongu, working in the Village of Hope (for widows and orphans), doing construction projects, teaching children, and trying to share love with everyone we come in contact with. For the rest of the 4 months, I will primarily be out in the bush doing outreach to villages, which will include digging water wells with experienced teams of professionals, working on other construction projects, and teaching about the self-sacrificial love and reconciliation that Jesus gives to us and exemplifies for us to follow.

After my time in Africa, tentatively I will be returning to the States before going to Brazil to work with Global Geophyscial and paying off my college debt. It is an exciting opportunity, and it would be foolish to predict where my life will go from there and how quickly. However, my ultimate hope and passion is still to pay off my college debt as fast as possible and then begin non-profit, service, and missions work full-time.

Thank you so much for your interest, your encouragement, and your prayers! I will email more details about what the team and I will be doing in Zambia in the near future.

You all are such a blessing to me and I would love to hear from you about what is going on in your lives. Please stay in touch!

Blessings,

Bryan

It takes Trust to follow

2011-01-28T15:30:00.002-05:00

Trust.

You cannot follow such a reckless, self-giving Savior unless you know that he is trustworthy.

As his child, you want to be as He is. You want to make yourself vulnerable to your enemies, to love those who do not deserve it. Your Father would have you offer this love to prodigals.

However, Jesus was not abandoned. The Slaughtered Lamb offered himself in such a self-giving way. His enemies overpowered and destroyed his body. Yet, it was not the end.

The Father is trustworthy. You are loved. You are provided for. You are protected. The most that can happen is your death. The Enemy may kill the body but cannot destroy the soul. Wisdom will be vindicated by her deeds. Your Father is trustworthy.

You cannot follow your Beloved, your Savior, unless you believe. You must believe that your Father, the Father of Jesus, is trustworthy.

He will never abandon you, nor forsake you.

You can only follow the Father like Jesus as much as you trust your Father like Jesus.

Love Righteousness, Do Not Avenge It

2011-01-25T19:49:00.001-05:00

Love.

“To love righteousness is to make it grow, not to avenge it…” ~George MacDonald

You coerce people so quickly into following Christ. A good argument will never change a heart. Jesus never twisted an arm.

The Savior refused the temptations of Satan in the wilderness. He refuses the tactics of this world. In Dorothy Sayers’ play The Man Born to Be King, King Herod says to the Magi, “You cannot rule men by love. When you find your king, tell him so. Only three things will govern a people – fear and greed and the promise of security.”

Power. Bread. Safety.

Jesus refuses what the deceiver tempts you with (Luke 4:1-13) and what the world so desires.

He inspires you only with love. Why do you try to inspire with anything else?

You fight for righteousness so quickly. You defend its qualities. Jesus never did any such thing. He had a “divine shyness” about him. He offered the Way and allowed others to wrestle with its truth.

Love. Never twist an arm. Do not coerce.

Know the Slaughtered Lamb’s extravagant love for you.

Offer nothing but the same.

The Grace to change a heart

2011-01-23T18:14:00.002-05:00

I am afraid.

When I see the restraint that God shows, it scares me. We can be so wrong, yet He will allow us to run. He longs for a people that love Him, and He will not force Himself upon us.

There is so much pain and loss as a result. In humanity, in society, and personally, pain abounds because of our freewill. Why does God not force Himself into our rebellious hearts and cause change? Why must God’s character be so pure? Why must He be so convinced that He wants a free people?

It scares me.

To be like Christ, to show restraint from using coercion, to be willing to become vulnerable, to place yourself at the mercy of sinners, to look into the eyes of rebellious enemies, and to love them…

I want to be as Christ, the Slaughtered Lamb. I want to love like that.

But it scares me. It is so costly. The cost of such extravagant love is great. It cost Christ his life. If vulnerable, patient love cost our Savior so much, do we expect it to cost us less?

It is scary to follow a God who makes himself vulnerable to a hateful and rebellious people and who loves without coercing anyone. By following this God, we are seemingly at the mercy of our enemies.

Must it take such mercy and such grace to change a heart?

Please, take away our freedom

2011-01-22T19:38:00.008-05:00

Many things have been difficult lately. God has given such a great amount of grace that I have had tremendous peace and joy. That is, until two nights ago.

Like an overwhelming tide, I felt sorrow welling up inside me.

Family situations have not been good. My family has been having a hard time. Stephanie’s parents and I also have our differences and that has caused me a lot of grief as well.

I find myself wondering why God gives us so much freedom. I wish that God would overwhelm our willpower, that He would overpower us with His truth and His Way. Why do we rebel so quickly and so completely?

I wish that my family members, or Stephanie’s family, or me would experience a compelling power from God to align our hearts with His. Some of us (or all of us) are in the wrong. We want to follow but somehow we cannot. We all believe we are in the right. Obviously, where there is discord, this cannot be true.

Oh God, why must you show so much restraint? Why do you allow us so much freewill? Why must you be so patient?

Why must God show restraint?

2011-01-21T23:43:00.002-05:00

Honestly, many times I wish that God would use the same tactics as the world.

When there is so much pain and brokenness, when his people reject him, Jesus laments, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”

It is contrary to God’s character to force the hand of His people. He desires a people who love him. He will never force a hand or a heart. He will not coerce. He will only lament and beckon patiently.

He brings freedom. His freedom is complete.

I wish it were not so.

The world would seem so much easier if God would force himself on humanity. All the hatred, the genocide, the Holocaust, war, nuclear weapons, terrorism, homicide, suicide, loneliness, greed, poverty, injustice, rape, sex-trafficking, addictions, slavery, fear…

Why does God not force himself on humanity? We would be better off. I would be better off. All of my deficiencies, my pride, my greed, my cowardice; God can eradicate them all in one instant.

Oh God, why do you show restraint!?

We blame and hate a loving Father for the freedom that we fight for as rebellious children.

His temptation. And ours.

2011-01-20T23:02:00.007-05:00

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Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’ ” The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’ ” The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written:

‘He will command his angels concerning you
to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ”

Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ” When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.

~Luke 4:1-13

Food.

Power.

Security.

The people of Israel longed for such things in the long-awaited Messiah. Rome offered the illusion of these things. Satan tempted Israel’s redeemer with them. Jesus rejected them.

Why? They are the “answer” that Israel was looking for, that all people are looking for. They are the answer we seek. How often I long for and find comfort in these things.

It is as if Jesus passed through the same temptation as the first Adam. “Do you want to be like God?” (Gen. 3:5) The church fails at passing this temptation as we try to dazzle or force people to follow Christ. I, too, try to “strong arm” people into following Jesus.

Jesus, a high priest who is able to sympathize with all of our weaknesses, never twists someone’s arm. He never coerces or convinces people to follow him.

Jesus shows great restraint, turns all these offers down, and insists that only God should be worshiped.

Jesus became flesh. As Satan enticed Adam where he was most vulnerable, the deceiver tempted the Son of Man as he exposed his weakness and defenselessness. “Do you really want to experience hunger, weakness, and insecurity?” And later Jesus was tempted through Peter’s appeal for an easier way, “Never Lord, this shall never happen to you!” “Get behind me Satan!” And on the cross, “Are you the Christ? Then save yourself!” “Let him come down from the cross and then we will believe him!”

Jesus became vulnerable and entered into all the pain and weakness of humanity. For Jesus to offer hope and salvation to us, he could not save himself. All the answers that we long for, Jesus rejected. We blame God, saying that he can fix all that is wrong, but doesn’t. No. God chooses to enter into our weakness and vulnerability. He refuses the use of power and coercion.

His redemption is patient. He rejects all quick fixes. His power is internal, not external. He does not dazzle. He will not coerce.

We follow the Slaughtered Lamb. Will we too reject a salvation that dazzles with abundant provision, that offers security, and that inspires loyalty through coercion?
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...until the end.

2011-01-18T12:36:00.007-05:00

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The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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Bittersweet. There are so many friendships. You have been more blessed than you realize with a wonderful community. Do not take that for granted.

It is so easy to try to withdraw and avoid the pain of goodbyes. Today is your last first day of classes. Finish well. Even though you have a lot to look forward to, you must not begin leaving yet. Not yet.

It is sad that so many elderly couples spend the last years of their lives only on themselves. There is this perspective that, "We've earned this." Instead of using the last years of their lives to leave a mark, instead of pouring out all of their accumulated wisdom into those younger than them, or even devoting themselves to some great cause, many check out early.

Your final senior year at Virginia Tech is the same. This, your last semester, leave a mark on a few people by loving them without reservation until the end.
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Mirror to the Church

2011-01-15T22:37:00.005-05:00

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“The church’s purpose is not to make America more Christian, but to make American Christians less American and Rwandan Christians less Rwandan. We are no longer Rwandans or Americans, neither Hutu nor Tutsi. If we are in Christ, we have become part of a new creation.” (156)

I just got finished reading Emmanuel Katongole’s Mirror to the Church. The above quote summarizes a great deal of what I took away from his work.

He suggests that the 1994 Rwandan genocide is a reflection of the church that evangelized Rwanda. This is a very offensive and even scary thought at first. However, at closer inspection, his idea has a great deal of merit.

During the 1994 genocide where the Hutu majority killed between 600,000 to 800,000 Tutsis as well as many moderate Hutus (as much as 1/5 of the population of Rwanda was killed during a 100 day period and only 25 to 30% of Tutsis survived*), much of the murder was perpetuated by Christians, Catholic and Protestant, even priests and pastors. Neighbors were killing neighbors. Fellow church members slaughtered members of their own congregations inside their churches and sanctuaries. Many churches are left as memorials to the genocide and have remained as mass graves.

What went wrong in Rwanda? How was Christ so misrepresented that neighbors would use machetes to kill their own neighbors after worshipping their Savior together in church the day before?

While I would blame the problem on our “power” Christianity that we believe in and follow (where we still use coercion and even violence in word and deed to achieve our ends), Katongole points to a different origin for the violence and genocide.

He states that the reason for the genocide and continued misunderstanding and violence between Christians is that of a misplaced identity.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” ~Galatians 3:28

We believe more in our tribal, regional, cultural, and national identities than in our identity as a new creation, new Body, and new family in Christ. As long as we believe that we are more American than we are Christian, we will resort to violence when our nation is threatened. The Christianity we export bears the same mark. We legitimate and even propagate the elevation of the status quo. We, ourselves, do not believe that we are more Christian than American.

This false “Christianity” is a dangerous one. It does not break down the dividing walls that Christ came to abolish. It does not promote reconciliation. It allows us to go on fighting for our own tribal and nationalistic identities rather than display the new creation of Christ.

Our purpose is not to make America more Christian, but to become less American. Instead, we must be converted into a new creation.

*The Death Toll of the Rwandan Genocide
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Offer two words to God in prayer

2011-01-14T22:46:00.007-05:00

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The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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Over the summer you were the most patient listener you have ever been. Around many homeless folks, drug addicts, and mentally ill, you would spend all day just listening to stories, problems, and successes. It was a joy to get to know them, love them, and simply listen.

Under "normal" circumstances you can't help but jump into a conversation and offer your insights. You can't slow down and just care for people by listening to them. Regardless of whether or not the things you say are "good," you don't need to say anything many times. A compassionate, listening ear is all that is needed.

Why do you feel the need to talk so much under "normal" circumstances? Why are you able to listen to those who are "very broken" by our society's standards while you have trouble holding your tongue with those who are more like you?

You find it easier to have compassion on those who are marginalized while being quick to blame people who are well-off for their problems. For that reason, you have little patience and believe that their problems are self-imposed and should have quick fixes.

People all face their own great battles, wounded from parents and significant others, limping along with their own blind spots. Have patience. Be at peace. Quick fixes do not bring healing. Compassion is worth more than your best insights. Listen. Care.

Offer two words to God in prayer for every word you share with a friend.
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Defending myself against the Bible

2011-01-13T23:30:00.002-05:00

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This is a favorite quote of mine, which is extremely convicting. I never want to disregard wisdom in reading God's word, but far too often I know what I must do. I am only too scared to do it because of the selflessness or sacrifice it requires. May God give grace to follow.

"The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand it, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world?

"Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament."

~Soren Kierkegaard
......from “Kill the Commentators!” in Provocations: Spiritual Writings of Kierkegaard
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Double Joy

2011-01-12T00:25:00.001-05:00

Cypher: You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize?
[Takes a bite of steak]
Cypher: Ignorance is bliss.
.......~Cypher talking to Agent Smith in The Matrix

I find myself having moments where I feel like Cypher in The Matrix. I wish I didn't know all that I now know. I can't go back. As Brooke Fraser sings in her song Albertine, "Now that I have seen, I am responsible."

At the same time, I could never go back and would never want to.

The reason I have moments of ... regret... that might be the word. The reason I have moments of regret is because knowing makes my heart hurt. After seeing so much pain and brokenness, after understanding my responsibility, after learning how to jump into the fray, it hurts to constantly see brokenness in people and in society.

But I don't know what I'd trade it for.

While there is pain, it is a wonderful pain. There is a Honduran proverb that says, "Grief shared is half grief. Joy shared is double joy." The pain is there. It can be overwhelming at first. However, once you jump into relationships among the broken, the pain is not so painful. It is shared. The joy, though, the joy is exponential. Healing. Reconciliation. Wholeness. Smiles. Growth. Life. Joy shared is double joy.

It is scary to know. When we know, when we have seen, we are responsible. Before we take the first step into action, the grief can be overwhelming because it is not yet shared grief.

However, in the end our joy will be double joy.
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Hello 2011

2011-01-11T00:01:00.004-05:00

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"Count as lost each day you have not spent in loving God." ~Brother Lawrence

A little over a week ago the year started out with a bang. One of my best friends, Tom Sproul, got married to the love of his life, Lexi Vandervort. As the ball dropped, I tied blindfolds over their eyes so that they couldn't see each other on their wedding day before Lexi came down the aisle.
It was an exciting way to begin the new year! I am incredibly thankful for the people who have been part of my life and the many incredible experiences that I have had. Chances are, if you are reading this, that you are one of those people who have been a blessing to me. I can't begin to thank my family and all my friends for the source of love and encouragement that they have been.
At the same time, it is easy to begin to dwell on how great the past has been. I can get sucked out of the present and just remember how great things once were. While God did so much and taught me so much in twenty-ten, I can't help but feeling that I began to miss some of the basics.

"Knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God." ~1 Corinthians 8:1-3

I learned a lot this last year. That is both good but also dangerous. I easily begin to live as if what I know is more important than how I genuinely care for people and listen to them.

My younger brother, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, told me that he knows that I can win any debate with him. I am quite capable of arguing my point and even putting it in a "loving way" that it is really insidious. I begin to feel less and less the need to listen or care about the other person.

Knowing is not nearly as important as loving. The two cannot compare. In 2011 I want to experience more and more of the unconditional love that God has for me. And, I want to share that.

I want to learn to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and quick to love.

Lord, I was made for intimacy with you.
Jesus, you are my first love.
Holy Spirit, teach me to be slow to speak,
........let me be quick to listen and love.
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Goodbye 2010

2011-01-10T15:34:00.003-05:00

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"Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you." ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, June 13th

Another year has come and gone.

This is the longest I have been in school without a sabbatical since finishing high school (this will be my 5th semester in a row!). I have gone on dozens of hikes in the mountains. I had the chance to live in the 3rd Ward of Houston among recovering drug addicts and the homeless who taught me more about Christianity than anyone I have ever learned from. I have read more than three dozen books. I have been part of communities that have encouraged and blessed me in ways that I can never begin to thank them for. I worked with ExxonMobil and learned more of the ins-and-outs of the energy business. I have led a small group of freshman guys at Virginia Tech as we have asked tough questions about life and college and what we want to live for. I have decided between several job offer and accepted one that will land me in Brazil beginning some time late next year. I met this girl name Stephanie and actually started dating her.

Twenty-ten has taught me much more than I expected. Through different life experiences and reading books by those much wiser than myself, I have been challenged and changed.

First, my whole system of beliefs has continued to be challenged and grow. More than ever before, my belief system is interconnected across all areas of my life. This has developed in such a way that it cannot help but impact my lifestyle, while my lifestyle has also heavily impacted this growth.

Much of this began as I lived in the 3rd Ward of Houston and learned from the homeless and mentally ill. Tough personal, emotional, and theological questions met the pavement of the highways and byways when serving among the underprivileged. At the same time, all of those experiences could not just remain a personal, emotional and spiritual experience. I was working among the privileged elite of ExxonMobil engineers as well. Day after day I had conversations with those who were worried about my safety, curious about my motivations, and intrigued by the Jesus I follow. The summer forced me to communicate with those who did not understand me and allowed me to begin learning how to relate my experiences back to others, including the mainstream church from which I found myself to be an outlier.

This year has solidified my desire to live in community among the poor and broken. Different buzzwords like "incarnational" living (or "incarnational" missions) only begin to describe the lifestyle that I desire. Mutual vulnerability seems dangerous and reckless when it we think of living among the poor but it is only through mutual vulnerability that we can ever find intimacy. That same mutual vulnerability allows Jesus to heal the brokenness in the hearts of the marginalized and in our own.

This year has painfully peeled back some of the lies I have falsely believed about my own worthiness and goodness. I have caught glimpses of how selfish and proud I really am. I desire that others notice me. I want to be loved and affirmed. I want others to listen to me because I know best. In reality, I want to be glorified. I don't want to give all glory to God.

By nature I am an enemy of the Christ and his Father. I must admit that deep down in my heart I had been bored and bothered by all that stuff about, "All glory and honor and praise and power be unto God and unto the Lamb." It seemed repetitive and unnecessary. Really, there is something very wrong and very natural that I have discovered in my own heart:

I am jealous.

It is not natural to seek to give ALL glory to God with my entire life. To do that, I am in need of a Savior, a savior from my own selfish and proud heart.

This year has taught me so much. It has also brought me back to the basics. Thank God for that.
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Christmas Cheer

2010-12-24T13:15:00.006-05:00

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After a wonderful trip to Texas visiting my lady friend and some others who I am close to, I just got back yesterday to enjoy the holidays with my family. The trip was wonderful: spending time with the lady, attending another friend's wedding (Congrats Red & Carrie!), getting to meet Stephanie's family, and even going ice skating while dressed up as Fred, Wilma, Pebbles, and Bambam!!
On my way home from Houston, I got stuck in the Newark airport for a few extra hours because of some delays. For most it only caused a migraine and additional stress because of their delayed flights. However, I saw other young families who had to decide if they would split up to try to fit on separate flights because their own planes were grounded. It was heartbreaking to see a family splitting up to try to make it home while the young mother asked her husband, "Are we making the right decision to split up?" Christmas is a wonderful blessing. Most of us have our families and friends around us. Not everyone is so blessed. While being delayed and spending several extra hours in Newark, I got to spend a lot of time counting my blessings and spending time with Jesus. It was a wonderful time to be reminded to not take my blessings for granted, however small or great they may be. We are blessed. This Christmas season, let us remember our blessings, be grateful for them, and be a blessing to each one around us. Both the stranger we meet and our closest family members are all facing their own great battle. Let us be as Christ incarnate in the world.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
....Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
....Where there is injury, pardon.
....Where there is doubt, faith.
....Where there is despair, hope.
....Where there is darkness, light.
....Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
....grant that I may not so much seek
........to be consoled, as to console;
........to be understood, as to understand;
........to be loved, as to love.
....For it is in giving that we receive.
........Is is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
........and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

~Prayer of St. Francis

Life Decisions - Never quite safe

2010-12-10T22:32:00.006-05:00

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The next stage of my life begins soon, much sooner than I have expected. God has blessed me in a huge way by giving me two good job offers that I suddenly had to decide between. I had to reply by close of business earlier today, which ended up being more stressful than I had hoped.

Job #1 - Houston, TX

This first offer was a lot of knowns. I have worked there, have community, have places to serve, and would be able to pay off debt very quickly with the benefits offered. Before I received the second offer, I was very excited because it finally felt like I was going to be able to take a breather. The church that I was attending in Houston, I absolutely love. Working with Church Under the Bridge has its challenges but was a blessing that I cannot begin to describe. I would have the blessing to continue sharing life with that community, seeing old friends, and investing my time consistently in one place.

Job #2 - Na bacia do Rio São Francisco, Brasil (In the San Francisco River Basin, north of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)

Then my second job offer arrives. It is with a company I have not worked with before. I would start in either Brazil or in Iraq, though most likely in Brazil with a high likelihood of moving to Iraq or elsewhere after learning my position. While learning my new job responsibilities, I would also be learning to live in a new country and a new culture. I would be forced to live and work while speaking in a new language. I would have to develop a whole new community. This second job is entirely made up of unknowns.

In this second job I would also work a 6 week shift on the job with accrued time off (ATO) on a 2:1 ratio. That means I work for six weeks (no weekends, holidays, or vacations) and then have three weeks off. Though it sounds great for vacation, it will offer a whole new set of challenges in developing community with any sense of consistency. For six weeks I would have the consistent community of the work crew that I work with in the field. That crew would be composed of about 100: 20 expatriates, 20 professional nationals, and 60 more Brazilian workers. For each three week "vacation," I would be left with the challenge of having any consistency. The dangers of loneliness and isolation are very real.

Again, Houston, TX represents a lot of knowns while Brasil represents the unknown.

Earlier today I accepted the second job offer with Global Geophysical Services. That may not come as a surprise to many people but it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, and I was scared to make it.

I had felt as if I’m supposed to go to Brasil and that scared me (and still does). Time and again it feels like I’m jumping into the deep end of the pool, and I may be making stupid and unwise decisions. I’m afraid that this comes from my thirst for adventure (and in part I’m sure it does) and that God will not be with me in my decisions. Finally He may decide to leave me to tread water on my own while I tire out and drown because of my recklessness.

I’m afraid He won’t come through even though I feel drawn to the “leap” instead of being drawn to the safe and the reasonable.

“I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap and then you grow wings.” ~William Sloane Coffin

I’m afraid that I’ll finally be swallowed up in my worst nightmare, that of loneliness, a dark pit of despair with no one there that really cares, where no one will be there with me.

"The place God calls you is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." ~ Frederick Buechner

Though God has proven himself faithful time and again when I choose to take the leap and follow him, it never seems to get any easier. I love the opportunity for language learning, for complete immersion in another culture to learn from those with completely different worldviews, and the opportunity for God to move me to Iraq (or some location where I can finally settle in to live and learn and serve permanently!) in the very near future.

But it is still scary every time. I feel afraid. Life never quite seems to be safe.

Lucy: “Is He safe?”
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
Mr. Tumnus: “He’s wild, you know. Not a tame lion.”

~The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

Paroxysms of moral outrage, a Canadian specialty

2010-12-08T14:55:00.007-05:00

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This blog post was passed along to me by a friend and it well worth the read regarding the controversy surrounding wikileaks. At the same time, Sarah makes some beautiful spiritual parallels to the controversy. Read more at http://www.emergingmummy.com/

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I've watched the release of the diplomatic cables via Wikileaks with great interest.

My personal favourite quote so far to come out was made by the ex-chief of CSIS: "paroxysms of moral outrage, a Canadian specialty."

Oh, how I love that. I will use it forever and ever.

(For those unfamiliar with the context, Jim Judd was quoted in reference to a video that would surface of Omar Khadr (a Canadian citizen and teen aged Taliban fighter whose resulting years of imprisonment and trial have the focus of much of Canada's discussions regarding the USA's off shore prison at Guantanamo Bay) being interrogated.)

The Wikileaks have brought to the light of day just how messed up our diplomatic processes are, how we truly view one another, how corrupt and two-faced almost every government operation truly is - and always has been. As entertaining and illuminating as it is to see hypocrisy and corruption exposed, the leaks have me thinking in other ways. Even beyond all of the truth about power and its misuse, there is also the truth of exposure for all of us.

I once heard Derek Webb thoughtfully say at a concert that the best thing that could happen to any of us would be for our worst secrets to be broadcast on the six o'clock news.

The truth will always come out. As scripture wisely instructs us, whatever is done in the dark will eventually be brought to the light. The governments of the world are fooling themselves - and so are we - if we believe that we will be different, we will be the one that will be able to keep the secret, we will be the one that will not be exposed in our weak moments.

As I've mentioned before, Brian and I have grieved with many friends and/or pastors that have had their personal struggles aired publicly. One eerie similarity we hear from these people is how quickly they were isolated and abandoned, how quickly the phone that used to ring constantly falls silent. How people that they thought were their friends suddenly won't meet their eyes. How utterly alone they feel in their failures and sin. So it was noteworthy to us when one of the first phone calls that one of those individuals received after their sin came to light was from a fellow evangelical leader who had also had his sins publicly aired two years previous.

He called this broken and lonely pastor and he said, "You may not believe it right now. But you'll come to see that this is the best day of your life. Because now, you have no secrets. And this is the most free you've ever been in your life and the most free you will ever be. There are no more secrets."

In a way, Wikileaks presents that same opportunity to the leaders of the world. They have been found out. The backroom deals are out in the open. The opinions and truth of the world is now on display. There is great risk to relationships and world security because of these things being made public. But the truth is that this could be a turning point (it likely won't be but a girl can dream) in the diplomatic world with a call to restoration of integrity and respect.

I once heard that integrity can be defined as "living as though there is no such thing as a secret." Perhaps diplomacy and world relations would be served to remember that same adage - lead with integrity and with the understanding that whatever you say, think or recommend from murder to invasion to dealing with corrupt governments to war to snide comments about "close allies" will become public.

Even junior high kids know this now: if you write a nasty text message about someone or send an inappropriate photo of yourself through email or phone, you better be prepared for that to be forwarded to everyone and your principal. Ask any kid that has had their worst moments broadcast through Facebook or YouTube. They could have told the governments of the world what was coming.

We live in a World of No Secrets anymore - leaks are common from Hollywood to the local church and the most powerful governments in the world. You will be found out. And that's very terrifying when you have something to hide.

The other side of the Wikileaks that has me thinking that those of us who align our true allegiance with the Kingdom of God would do well to remember one thing:

The empire is still the empire. There are many in the Church that believe that the government or the powers of government can be used for good or to advance the cause of Christ. We unwittingly buy into the idea - either consciously or unconsciously - that POWER will get us the results we want in society.
When did we ever see Jesus or those that walked closely with him embrace the efficiency and expediency political influence and power to draw the minds and hearts of people towards God?

However "godly" or "founded on biblical principles" we view our governments or our political aspirations, we would do well to remember that the truth is this: we are the people of the exile, the people called to be on the margins and the fringes of society, the ones called to be in the world but not of it, eschewing the ideals of the empire.

The truth is that we aren't called to the masses, we're called to people. And that is always more grassroots and one-to-one than the empire mentality finds effective.

The Wikileaks is an embarrassment. It's humiliating. It's compromising relationships and even security.

In short, Wikileaks is showcasing what hypocrisy, sin and secrets always do to everyone - governments, churches, relationships and individuals. It is also presenting a tremendous opportunity for change and integrity. It's an incredibly freeing thing to live as though there is no such thing as a secret.

(Two of my favourite books on this topic are Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw's "Jesus for President" and Rob Bell's "Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile." Both of them are worth your time.)

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Collateral Murder

2010-12-07T11:40:00.006-05:00

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Below is classified US military film that was leaked through wikileaks. It is worth watching the whole thing even though it is slow.

The reason I post it here is NOT to point out how culpable specific individuals are (though they are), because I am sure that I cannot understand the stress and "on edge" feeling while living in a war zone.

More importantly...

Can we follow a savior who was willing to die for his enemies while blindly supporting a military that is so prone to violence?

Does redemptive violence even make sense? Maybe this film helps us understand why violence just leads to more violence.

Does extremist violence "make sense" in light of our "just war?" What if I were in an Iraqi's shoes?

Remember and do not forget...

2010-12-06T00:23:00.007-05:00

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The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
~Revelation 2:3-5

You forget your first love so easily.

You fall in love with the work that you are doing for God. You define yourself by this. You become preoccupied with so many things when only one thing is required of you.

Only one thing is required of you. Love your God.

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
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Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
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~Matthew 22:36-39

When you spend your time loving God, you love those around you well. There may be times that you must love your neighbor consciously, but this flows from the first and greatest commandment. Most of the time you concentrate on loving your neighbor, and you forget about your God. Your love will run cold.

Remember, remember, do not forget: Love Jesus, your first love.
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What's comin' will come

2010-11-27T00:20:00.006-05:00

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The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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The culture around you is incredibly future-oriented and you have bought into it.

All your goals and objectives are in the future. Your activity in the present is for the purpose of achieving distant future goals. The future constantly drives what you do and how you think.

It doesn't have to be that way. Your culture and society have taught you this worldview, but throughout history cultures have had a present-orientation. All people are not fascinated with the future as your society has been trained to live and think. It is easy to become blinded by the idea of "progress," "growth," and "expansion."

This even carries over into your relationships, both with Jesus and others.

Your obsession with the future, planning, and goals makes the present less enjoyable. It becomes very difficult to appreciate the moments you find yourself in. It is impossible to achieve the results you pursue because your goals are always too far-reaching and unattainable. God wants to free you from all those anxieties.

Allow your perspective to shift to a present-oriented worldview. It will take a great amount of time to undo, but appreciate each moment. Begin living in the present and let it drive what the future brings. Give yourself activities and goals in the present, so that you may actually achieve them.

Let go of your obsession with the future and appreciate the gift of today.

Quit, don't quit? Noodles, don't noodles? You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."

~Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda

Let go of the illusion of control

2010-11-25T00:24:00.005-05:00

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The following is a “spiritual imperative” directed towards my own heart, a command intended for myself based on things I’ve read or recent conversations with God or people.

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God does not need you, but he wants you.

You do not want your family, friends, or girlfriend to care about you because you are useful to them or needed by them. Why do you want to be so useful to God?

You put yourself under so much pressure all the time. All Jesus wants is your companionship. He wants that he could love you and that you could appreciate his love and love him in return.

Let go of the illusion of control. God's saving work does not ultimately depend on you. Do not forget the freedom you have to live as a child. Karl Barth put it well: "To have our master unavoidably in Jesus Christ is to exist in an ultimate and most profound irresponsibility."

Allow the pressure you put on yourself to fade away. Your harsh judgment of yourself speaks of a works-based relationship with Jesus that is a burden and not freedom.

"God is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else." ~Acts 17:25

As John Piper said, "A God who cannot be served is a God who can only be enjoyed. The great sin of the world is not that the human race has failed to work for God so as to increase his glory, but that we have failed to delight in God so as to reflect his glory. For God’s glory is most reflected in us when we are most delighted in him."

Let go of the illusion of control and simply enjoy God.
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Laying down my crown

2010-11-18T02:03:00.004-05:00

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Small group leading, loving those around me, fighting for time alone with God, classes, discipling a bunch of guys, job search, decisions, decisions, decisions, graduation, missions, my relationship with Stephanie, college debt, instability, leaving friends and family behind...

We fall down
We lay our crowns
At the feet of Jesus
The greatness of
Mercy and Love
At the feet of Jesus

We cry holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
We cry holy, holy, holy
Is the Lamb

It's so easy to go our own way. The simplicity of following Jesus quickly becomes compromised by obligations we place on ourselves. Laying our crowns, the perceived authority we have over our own lives, at the feet of Jesus must be done over and over again.

I forget very quickly that I have a choice. Quickly, I feel trapped and crippled by circumstances I perceive to be out of my control. When I begin to feel trapped and no longer have a choice, my life becomes drudgery, only a dull grind. I no longer feel the freedom that empowers me to simply follow and to follow with love, peace, and joy.

As I begin to feel trapped, I feel obligated to follow a perceived course. Knowing the course is often an excuse so that I do not need to follow Jesus anymore. Because of my lack of trust and desire for control, I want to be confident of my course so that I can maintain control and do not need to live in dependent trust.

Jesus, I will follow. Under no obligation to fulfill expectations or perform for anyone around me, I will follow. In no way do I need to know the course or the meandering route where the journey may lead. I will follow.
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Share the Cookies!

2010-11-17T01:57:00.000-05:00

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Veterans Day - Saint Martin of Tours

2010-11-11T12:57:00.012-05:00

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Martin of Tours (316 – 397) was at the gates of the city of Samarobriva with his soldiers when he met a scantily dressed beggar. He impulsively cut his own military cloak in half and shared it with the beggar. That night Martin dreamed of Jesus wearing the half-cloak he had given away. He heard Jesus say to the angels: "Here is Martin, the Roman soldier who is not baptised; he has clad me." In another story, when Martin woke his cloak was restored, and the miraculous cloak was preserved among the relic collection of the Merovingian kings of the Franks.

The dream confirmed Martin in his piety and he was baptized at the age of 18. He served in the military for another two years until, just before a battle with the Gauls at Borbetomagus (now Worms, Germany) in 336, Martin determined that his faith prohibited him from fighting, saying, "I am a soldier of Christ. I cannot fight." He was charged with cowardice and jailed, but in response to the charge, he volunteered to go unarmed to the front of the troops. His superiors planned to take him up on the offer, but before they could, the invaders sued for peace, the battle never occurred, and Martin was released from military service.

from Wikipedia

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In the church calendar, the life of Saint Martin of Tours is celebrated on Veterans Day, which is very ironic, and in many ways, threatening to a nationalistic society.

Bellicose, selfish, self-deluded, icy, absurdly resolute—behold the Rome of the book of Revelation. Behold also America?
— Daniel Berrigan

As I have walked among the desperate, rejected and angry young men I have told them that Molotov cocktails and rifles would not solve their problems. I have tried to offer them my deepest compassion while maintaining my conviction that social change comes most meaningfully through nonviolent action. But they asked — and rightly so — what about Vietnam? They asked if our own nation wasn't using massive doses of violence to solve its problems, to bring about the changes it wanted. Their questions hit home, and I knew that I could never again raise my voice against the violence of the oppressed in the ghettos without having first spoken clearly to the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today — my own government.
— Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Christians whose loyalty to the Prince of Peace puts them out of step with today’s nationalistic world, because they are willing to love their nation’s friends but not to hate their nation’s enemies, are not unrealistic dreamers who think that by their objections they will end all wars. On the contrary, it is the soldiers who think they can put an end to wars by preparing for just one more.
— John Howard Yoder

These statements make people very upset. Many would call them incendiary.

What I want to know is: Why?

Now, don't misunderstand me. I know why. Americans support our soldiers and are full of nationalistic fervor. What I don't understand is why we, as followers of Jesus, take more offense at our nation being slandered than our Lord, to whom we owe our ultimate allegiance, being slandered.

I also want to be very clear: I support our individual troops and pray for their safety and that they may know Jesus more and more. However, I also pray for the safety and salvation of the enemies of American troops.

There are many times where our nation does not represent our saving king. These occasions are opportunities to either resort to nationalism or to say, "But God is not like that."

It comes back to how we chiefly define ourselves. When a Christian who is also an American says "we" or "our", to what group is he or she primarily affiliated? As Americans, it is our tendency to first think in terms of our national identity (citizens of other countries do the same). As Christians, has our new identity replaced the old? Have we become part of a transnational church of brothers and sisters or vastly different cultures, backgrounds, and languages? Who are "we"?

As Christians, then, shouldn't we be the first to call our nation into question? It is easy to follow the crowd in such a way that we are blind to compromises that we make. Isn't this all the more true when we have been conditioned since childhood that our first allegiance is to the American flag?

As upset as we may be at the above quotations and their implications, as followers of Jesus first, are we willing to question all other allegiances?

American troops are willing to sacrifice for a cause greater than themselves. For that, they deserve respect. However, how willing are we (as Christians) to give ourselves to a "cause" even greater? How willing are we to lay all other allegiances aside (calling even our allegiance to the United States into question) and follow the crucified Messiah who brings redemption to his people, not through power or coercion, but through selfless and self-sacrificial love?
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Quietness & Stillness bring Nourishment

2010-11-09T11:16:00.005-05:00

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"In the modern world the individual no longer faces silence, no longer faces the community, but faces only the universal noise." ~Max Picard

It is hard to be silent. Increasingly, our lives are entrenched in a world of noise. Silence, maybe, seems only frightening. When we are silent we face the scary and unnerving realities of our lives. Noise, then, brings us some comfort where we can hide or numb ourselves from the difficult truths we would prefer to avoid.

Perhaps it is becoming less important to shout the gospel to compete with our noisy nation. Perhaps there is more beauty to be found in stillness while the calm and quiet of our lives speak out against the constant rush around us.

Quietness and stillness nourish us and those around us. In this, we welcome the mysterious peace of Christ, and he heals our unceasing struggle to get ahead and make it. This quietness and stillness is radically counter-cultural, & through it, others may see and know the peace of Jesus.

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom." ~Jesus (Luke 12:32)
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