Drinking poison and hoping someone else dies

For a long time I could feel my joy slipping away slowly. Without realizing why, I could sense a lethargy, sloth, and melancholy slipping over my life. I couldn’t figure out why either. Only in the last few months has that begun to change, and now I’ve been experiencing more and more joy.

I’ve learned to forgive.

Now, I didn’t think that I’d been withholding forgiveness from anyone. But, forgiveness has become so much more real, more tangible. Everywhere (read: EVERYWHERE) in my life where I could feel some bitterness or melancholy, I recognized that I had a feeling that I was “owed something.” Call it what we will: holding a grudge, being owed a debt, requiring an apology, etc, this begins to affect our entire lives little by little, without our realizing it. “A little yeast leavens the whole lump of dough.” (Galations 5:9)

Everywhere in my life where I felt I was owed something and would not forgive my truly releasing someone's debt, I would feel melancholy or even resentful.

It was time to release those debts. No matter how wronged I was by others, unforgiveness was now a cancer that was eating at ME slowly from the inside out. I had to let go of that feeling that I was owed something.

For me, I could quickly see three relationships that were eating at me because I felt owed something for how I had been hurt. But now my lack of forgiveness (still holding on to this feeling that they “owed me” some debt) was creeping into every area of my life and making my whole existence less joyful. It was time to let those debts go. I am not owed anything by them anymore.

And then another, and deeper, realization occurred. I do the same thing to the Church. I almost never feel that I am “owed anything” by non-Christians. But Christians! They should behave a certain way! I expect them to follow Christ and his example!

“Now of course they don’t owe ME that debt! But they DO owe Jesus!”

No. He canceled our debt. I must let go of that expectation too. Jesus would never let the cancer of unforgiveness eat at him. Thank God that I can release those debts and be free from that cancer and bitterness that comes from holding debts over others. I can drop all my expectations of the Church.

It is a life-changing realization that forgiving everyone for everything frees us from bitterness, anger, resentment, and melancholy. My brother heard unforgiveness described as "drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person." It doesn't make sense and only hurts us.

Forgiving someone means that they don’t owe you anything anymore. No one is indebted to you. Life is not indebted to you. Let go of that grudge or sense of entitlement.

Root out all melancholy and bitterness from your life!

Forgive everyone for everything!